The Power of Self-Indulgence

I suppose this post is Part III of my "Trust Yourself" musings. (Go here for Part I, and here for Part II.)

We hear today from all sides that the world is a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad place. I can understand why it can be viewed as such. I don't believe it IS so awful, but if I am delusional, I still don't believe I am terrible, horrible, very bad, or even no good. Yet I'm surprised to discover how many people seem to carry about this image of themselves that they are defined by their weaknesses.

"I'm no good at math," "I have a sweet tooth," (which usually means, "I can't control sweet cravings"), "I'm not organized" or "I'm messy," "I can't follow a schedule."

And the answer to all of these problems is self-control or self-denial. Well, I don't buy it.

Growing up, my dad taught us to say about food we didn't like, "I haven't learned to like that yet." I think I said that so many times, I almost couldn't type just now of not liking food - just of not learning to like a certain food yet. (For the record, I'm STILL working on peas, mushrooms, and olives. And yes, dad, I try them about once a year to see if I've "learned" yet.)

In that phrase, "I haven't learned to XYZ yet," is the idea that at some time in the future, I will have mastered whatever I need to master. THAT is what I believe. I am not a person riddled with weakness and folly. I am a person with some learning to do. And what's more, I DO learn. I AM learning!

Interestingly, the process is sped along most often not by crazy stick-to-it-drive, but by indulging myself. My higher self. The self that IS doing the learning. The self that is not identified by weakness.

I access that self by turning off the knee-jerk, "I don't like peas!" protest and tuning in to my heart. Well, actually, my heart has nothing to say whatsoever concerning peas. But it has a lot to say about parenting, for example. The knee jerk is to fix all problems with a dose of anger. But why indulge a baser me? I can indulge love. I can indulge silence while I figure things out. I can embrace being confused by my children. I can allow myself to be overwhelmed by the responsibility to bring them up wisely and train them in the ways they should go. These feelings are more true to myself than anger. Why not indulge myself to feel them. And once felt, once I'm in sync with what is really going on in my heart, gone is my angry reaction, because it was never really mine to begin with - just an old habit I kept putting on.

Yes, I'm calling for a move to unleash the amazing people within us by ceasing to bind ourselves up with weaknesses. We are so busy saying no to ourselves that we have forgotten the joy of saying YES! to who we really are. It's time we trust ourselves, our TRUE selves, and discover the power of indulging THAT self.

And, of course, teaching this skill is another powerful reason to homeschool. Reflect for a moment on your school experience. How much was defined by "no's"? "We don't cover that 'til 5th grade." "Science time is over." "You'll have to wait 'til recess." "Chat with your friends after class." How often were we encouraged to BE? To let lose and be amazing?

I'm not saying every impulse of our children, or ourselves, should be followed. In fact, the older and more schooled we are (by schools and life), the more tuned in we seem to our base impulses. But we can teach our kids to tune those out. Now, better than ever. Now when they are more attuned to their true selves. Now before their lives are constructed with limits and arbitrary boundaries.

It can begin as simply as asking them (and ourselves) to "pause for a moment. Take a deep breath. Listen to your heart. Now, is that what you really want/need?" The honesty and intuition of your children will surprise you. And teach you.

Mine did. I learned this when my husband wanted to ban candy from our home. It didn't feel very balanced to me. (There I go again, annoying him with my gut checks.) I told him I'd rather give our children the skills to self-regulate. So we kept candy. I understood 2 things about candy. One was it's sugar content can cause blood sugar roller coasters and the other was, in sight, in mind. So we established the guide-line that we nourish our bodies first. We feed our higher appetites first. Then the kids can ask for a piece. (Sometime they do. Not always.) They get candy themselves from a bag in the cupboard. If they ask for another piece, after the first is finished, I have them take a moment to "listen to their bodies." If they say they need another piece, they get it. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they pass. Most often, after tuning in to their bodies, they don't ask for a third piece. In fact, I've never had to stop my children from OD'ing on candy. And my older kids have set very natural easy boundaries for themselves in social settings where I wasn't there to be "the enforcer."

I think this lesson applies to learning, to time management, to developing life-skills. What is it that we really want? What would our true selves, our learning selves have us do? Then, by all means, LET'S DO IT! And after you have done it, please hop on my blog and share with me what happened. I can't wait to hear your experiences with the power of self-indulgence!