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Saturday, July 27, 2013

Discussion of Common Core: Personal Disclaimer

If you've read my other two posts on Common Core, or been anywhere else on my blog, this post will be no revelation. But I thought, if you were an advocate of Common Core and standards, it might be helpful for you to read that I realize Common Core, by it's very nature, can never provide the kind of education my kids receive at home. For better or worse, and time will certainly tell, our home education is NOT trying to duplicate the school experience.

Asking me which standards I have a problem with in the Common Core is the wrong question. Inviting me to suggest "better" standards is impossible.

I have no hidden suspicions that Common Core has a secret social agenda. I DO think it presents risks in the vastness of it's adoption. To argue that point, I need only suggest to an educator that we throw out Common Core and adopt Steffanie Casperson's approach nation-wide. "Well it's unproven, untested!" True. But as the standards of Common Core were written in June 2010 and adopted August 6 of the same year, I might respond with the same protest. "But if Steffanie's approach fails, we lose a generation." Exactly. That is the risk. If Common Core fails to deliver on it's promises (and here is one example of those promises I find especially humorous, for something claiming to be "just standards": "The standards are designed to be robust and relevant to the real world, reflecting the knowledge and skills that our young people need for success in college and careers. With American students fully prepared for the future, our communities will be best positioned to compete successfully in the global economy." from schools.utah.gov, italics added).... Anyway, if Common Core fails to fully prepare us for the future or position us for successful competition in the global economy, we've lost all the time it's taken to realize the failure. And not only has each traditionally public schooled child lost it for their elementary education, but practically our entire nation has lost it as well. THAT is the risk of the vast adoption.

So I find myself in opposition to Common Core adoption not for the evil that it is, but for the good it isn't. I see it at No Child Left Behind 2.0. I see it as another step down the failed path traditional public education is on. It's not an emergency, which is a good thing, as it was adopted before the public was involved in any meaningful discussion so our ability to do anything about it is almost non-existent. Common Core is practically a done deal, and from my view, simply another tally mark in the lengthy column of failed attempts to improve America's educational system. Though I suppose this tally mark will be a bit larger than some of the others.

This makes the discussion of Common Core a bit tricky. It's not just Common Core I oppose, but nearly all that represents our educational status quo. I am on a completely different page than almost ALL of anyone with a career in education. AND I have no experience. In fact, measured the way standardized education measures, I don't have an education myself, as I never went to college. (You can view my profile for a sense of the education I DID receive.) Of course, the educational philosophy we adhere to I am not making up as I go along. It is based on the views and experience of the experts I follow (see my influential books list) but I am not those experts. Were I an educator in the public systems today, I'd certainly be annoyed by a mere homeschooling mom questioning the establishment, their experts, and those who "teach for a living."

But question I do. I'm not advocating the country adopt Steffanie Casperson's approach. But what if we give Common Core a few years to prove itself in other states? We've been so concerned we'll be left out of the educational feast it promises that we've hardly stopped to wonder if the food is rancid. If Common Core is merely a set of free standards, why can't we allow schools to adopt or not as the parents in each district find it beneficial, or not. If Common Core is the miracle reform we're told it is (when it's not being questioned, at which time it retreats to being "just standards"), then won't all schools adopt it eventually on their own for the good they see the standards deliver?

As I wish the State School Board would be a bit more honest, or at least realistic, with what Common Core is and will do to education, I thought I needed a post about what I am: just a parent observing the evolution of public education and wondering why evolving one way is so much better than any other way. If we can't trust ourselves to find our own path in broad policies, how can we expect implementing those policies will teach individuals to find their own paths of progression? What would I do to education? Affect the change that would allow that path-finding by individuals. I see that as one of life's prime objectives, and so far, standardized public education is missing it entirely.


Discussion of Common Core: Synchronized Learning?

This is my second post on this subject. My first is here. The issue of paced learning was one we addressed on the radio program "For the People", so below is a summary of the answers I was given about Common Core from Tami Pyfer, state school board member, and Dave Long, former principal who now works for the school district. And  of course, I'm including my many thoughts pertaining to them.

First, two quotes from utahpublicschools.org.
"The purpose of Utah's Core Standards [newspeak for Common Core] is not to drive everyone to achieve the same specific goals for each student or for them to achieve at the same pace."

"The standards are used to help teachers understand in a broad manner what individual children should be able to know and do at each grade level."

And from schools.utah.gove/core:
"The collaboration between states provides continuity for students who move to a new state."

Question #2: (asked on air and went something like) How can Common Core be beneficial to students moving from state to state and within the state AND NOT drive students to progress at the same pace.

Answer: I challenge YOU to find the answer in the responses! It took a while to get to, and was never clear or succinct. So the best I can give you is:

My take-away: Both aspects of Common Core - it's flexibility and benefit to moving students - has been overstated. However, where there was no uniform standard before, as concerning moving students (a tiny fraction of the whole), it will be easier for those families to "sync up."

I gathered from the responses from both Tami Pyfer and Dave Long that flexibility concerning the pacing of student progress will be limited within the grade level. Students will be expected to progress and tested according to grade level. However, if you move mid-year, there is nothing to determine where a class would be in completing any of those expectations. If you've moved from a class of more capable students to one who struggles, you would likely be repeating some of what you've heard in the year. And if you've come from a struggling class, you might find yourself thrown forward in content and skill. There is nothing in the core which dictates a teacher would be unable to respond to a student's specific needs.

Interestingly, however, there are no additional tools provided in the Core Standards to help teachers respond to various student needs. As Tami Pyfer put it when I asked her what the "treatment" would be for students who discover they are falling behind: They would receive "the same educational practice that we've been doing for decades." For parents whose children are falling behind, the Core offers no new help, so hopefully current methods of addressing discrepancies in learning progress are sufficient.

As the State School Board repeats often, the standards are just standards. I will comment on that sentiment later. However, it DOES mean that districts still have flexibility to chose their own curricula. (Some have wondered if they would really be free to adopt curricula which doesn't follow the core. However, since 45 states have adopted Common Core, it is unlikely such curricula will continue to be available widely, as there is no longer a sufficient market for it.) Flexibility to chose curricula goes back to the overstated benefit to moving families. Again, unlike before, 45 states will be on the same page of grade-level expectations, however, quite literally, those pages will not be in the same books. So the look and feel of familiarity in textbooks WON'T exist. (Not that is should. But as long as it doesn't, how seamlessly will the few who are moving really be able to exit one school and jump into another without any lag time?) Dave Long stated it perfectly: "Different schools, different set of challenges."

I would add, "Different kids, different interests that drive different paces of learning." Tami talked about skills "developmentally build on year by year." In my personal experience, I've been surprised by how often this is NOT the case. On air, I mentioned science because Tami had just mentioned it. Perhaps more powerful examples would have been the subjects the core dictates pacing for: Math and English.

My now-7 year old (party today!) writes a "book" a day. She began this practice before I had ever sat her down to show her how to write. The more she writes, the more her letters look uniform and her spelling corrects itself, because she wants me to READ her books without difficulty. I can only imagine her frustration if I had this little creative author work on letter formation first. She is NOT interested in writing A's 20 times. From her view, what adult does such nonsense? I actually hope, in a year or two that I might suggest adults DO practice their writing, but I see no point in trying to coral her creativity now when it's fully blossoming. She began writing long before she could read. Writing has been her inspiration to know how to read. And incidentally, I don't know if she can still say her ABC's without a mistake. But as she isn't alphabetizing anything at the moment, we find that knowing her letters and their sounds suits her needs just fine for now. I'm sure at some point, she'll make the last few adjustments to her ABC song and hardly notice she did so.

And in math, like a dutiful parent, I began "teaching" my oldest basic math in kindergarten. (This may come as a surprise, considering our family's approach to learning now, but I did begin homeschooling asking questions like, "what are they teaching at this grade level in public schools?" and "if I don't follow their schedule, how do I know my kids' learning won't have holes?") He struggled, we both hated it. Somewhere, I got the idea that we could just wait until his mind received the concept that 7 + 7 is always 14 and he could remember that. We waited until he was about 7. Wanting to take my own energy left over from our failed math attempts out of his learning, I put him on khan academy. I just spied on his progress. In a week he had moved from basic addition to subtraction, and then quickly on to multi-digit addition and subtraction. I saw, as he worked, that he was still counting on his fingers, and almost made the mistake of telling him he had not mastered the basic facts and needed to go back and do that first before he ventured into higher skills. Thankfully, I kept my mouth shut. And I discovered, as he followed his own pacing, mastery came. Meanwhile he was engaged at the skill level he found the most interesting. He was caught up to within grade level in a matter of a few months. No tutoring, no labels, no practice sessions during recess. And no sense that math was "hard," or something he "couldn't do."

Last week, someone in our family wondered aloud how long it would take Rapunzel to brush her hair after we read in a book that it was 72 feet long. I suggested that if we knew how long it took me to brush MY hair, we could figure out how long it took Rapunzel. My oldest, now in 5th grade, got excited. He measured, timed me, and worked out the equations all by himself. I didn't make any announcement about learning algebra. I administered no tests to prove him ready for the task. I instructed a bit here and there when he got stuck. And when we were done, we had him, mad scientist fashion (lab coat, big glasses, messy "lab"), make of movie of how his great mind had solved this crucial mystery... just for fun. (And a sneaky way to review the process a couple of times .)

I LOVE homeschooling, where discrepancies in learning progress are to be expected! When we remember that learning is the process of acquiring skills we need to do what we WANT to do, we quickly realize not only is standardized pacing NOT the best idea, but it can suck the fun out of learning. Homeschooling CAN put it back, and learning that learning is FUN becomes the most important lesson.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Calvin and Hobbes - Early Seeds of Homeschooling

"Muthah," my 3 year old announced in her best English accent, "We're Princess SPIES."

PERFECT! I was hoping to be a mother to princess spies. Not specifically, but generally I had the wish, when I thought of kids (which was not especially often) that they would have amazing imaginations and take me on the ride from time to time. (I've written a bit about that here. I feel one reason we homeschool is so we can honor imagination.)

Seeds for this sort of hoping were sewn early - in high school - as I read the Calvin and Hobbes cartoons. How could I have neglected them from my Influential Books list!?! I'm adding them now.

When we talk of privileged times, I was blessed to grow up in a day and age when Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson was still in the weekly funnies. (No, the funnies were not especially funny then either, but Calvin and Hobbes was a noteworthy exception.) One of the first personal splurges I ever made with money I earned myself was a book of Calvin and Hobbes cartoons. Since then, I have bought or been given everything (I think) that has ever been widely published.

I dog-eared in my books those cartoons that I found especially amusing, and those which expressed truths I wanted to reference. Reviewing those folded pages now, I can't help but wonder if the conversations between Calvin and his stuffed tiger, Hobbes, led me, subconsciously, to homeschool.

Here are three (of many) examples:
As Calvin looks out a window he remarks to Hobbes, "In the SHORT term, it would make me happy to go play outside." Then looking at his schoolwork he sighs, "In the LONG term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful." In the final frame, he and Hobbes are on a sled zipping through the woods as Calvin notes: "But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories."

Homeschooling IS about education. But for our family, it's also so very much about great long-term memories.

In another cartoon, Calvin is neck deep in the ground, wearing a safari hat and carrying a shovel. "Why are you digging a hole?" Hobbes asks.
"I'm looking for buried treasure!" Calvin enthuses.
"What have you found?"
Calvin displays the haul: "A few dirty rocks, a weird root, and some disgusting grubs."
Delighted, Hobbes asks, "On your first try??"
You can almost feel Calvin's glee as he tells Hobbes, "There's treasure everywhere!"

We LOVE discovering buried treasure, even in every subject! Homeschooling allows us the time to delight in the academic weird roots and disgusting grubs. :)

Finally, Calvin himself is in a classroom with his show and tell. (I couldn't find this one quickly, so I'm paraphrasing.) He brought a snowflake to show. Of course, it has melted and he is explaining that to the class - how a singularly unique marvel of nature, his snowflake, has become in the classroom a mere drop of water, like any other drop. He then says, "I'm leaving you drips and going outside."

Our children are singularly unique marvels, aren't they? I love homeschooling because we can learn in an environment that preserves their uniqueness. If you are homeschooling, make today the day you leave the drips behind as you find buried treasure and create the BEST memories! And share them with me in the comments below!

Friday, July 19, 2013

Discussion of Common Core: Change, Communication Breakdown, and Gandhi

In July, I was on a local radio show, KVNU's "For the People," discussing Common Core. I loved the discussion! Sadly, I think that podcast is no longer available online. Perhaps sadder than that is the very few points we were able to discuss in our hour of time on air. So I've used my blog to review the broadcast if you missed it, and then to flesh out what I could have said if time allowed. If you'd like to leave a questions or point of discussion in the comments, feel free to do so!

********************

First, a quote I hope informs the tone of my discussion here. It has certainly informed the tone of my inquiries.

"We must love them both, those with whom we agree and those with whom we disagree. For both have labored in search of truth, and both have helped us in the finding of it."
Thomas Aquinas

Question #1: Where does the school board draw the line (and how close are we to it?) between selling the decision to adopt Common Core and representing the wishes of those who elected them? (Part of my question was noting the many concerns the public has raised concerning Common Core. For me, I don't know that any one of the concerns is a deal breaker, but concerns have been raised over the Math standards, over the English standards, over privacy issues, and over a federally run education system. Additionally, the Utah Republican party adopted a resolution against Common Core. I wondered if there was a critical mass of issues or voices of concerned citizens that could be reached that would change the course.)

Before I get to the answer, I wanted to describe Tami Pyfer. She is the State School Board member over Cache Valley, and I got to meet her in person for the radio program. I'll get in a brief description of the answers I took away from the program in another post (in case you don't want to listen), but Tami has also been kind enough to respond via email to MORE questions about Common Core the host of the program forwarded her.

Tami is passionate about her work for the State School Board, and excited about Common Core. Perhaps I felt it was best to begin with the quote above because I truly believe Tami has been diligent in her search for the "truth" about how to improve education from her perspective, and while we may not see eye to eye in the solutions Common Core offers, I believe she is wholeheartedly pursuing the course of action she feels meets the needs of students in Utah as she understands them. So to her answer:

Answer: From Tami's perspective (and I assume the entire board feels this way) there is no turning back on the core any time before it's fully implemented. She described her resolve this way: "For the School Board to make any such decision without taking the time to evaluate the implementation of the standards would be irresponsible. To ... reject what I believe to be something that would improve the education of our students, in order to protect my political career or re-election, well, that would be irresponsible, too, and would demonstrate a lack of integrity on my part. "

Tami is concerned that those who oppose Common Core are not in possession of the facts. It's probably why she has been so patient communicating with me. She wants the public to be in possession of " the best or most comprehensive information on any given topic," believing when we are, that "much of the public disagreement on various issues could be resolved."

This works well for me, as I'm not trying to understand Common Core from the perspective of those who oppose it. If I should need to understand it from that perspective, I don't think I'd be talking to a State School Board member. I'm trying first, to see the value in Common Core as they see it, and secondly to see if I agree there is evidence Common Core will deliver the benefits it is supposed to.

My take away: there is no point trying to convince the school board to un-adopt Common Core. They are convinced the benefits outweigh the concerns (partly because they feel most of the concerns over CC are uninformed or invalid), and in performing their elected responsibilities, they must stay the course of what they determined would be best for education in Utah. 

This leaves members of the public like me in an awkward position. I do wish to argue there is NO evidence Common core will deliver the benefits it is supposed to. But to what end? If I were a state school board member, my response to all my arguments against Common Core, no matter how valid or informed they may seem, would simply become, "Well, WE were in possession of the best facts and comprehensive information when we decided to adopt it, so you can challenge this all you'd like. We made the call, and we will all see after it's full implementation who is right and who is wrong."

I think, in essence, that IS what those who voted to adopted Common Core ARE saying. Interestingly, this communication breakdown is part of the issue I take with Common Core. What do parents do when their voices on the matter public education and specifically of the education of their children aren't being heard? What do you do when you see no hope to reform a system so that it meets your own needs? You exit the system. (A great reason to homeschool: you don't have to wait around for change. As Gandhi put it, you BECOME the change you wish to see in the world.)

After explaining the futility of questioning Common Core, let me take a moment to reassure you, I will anyway! :) 

PS: (One interesting discussion might be: How DO our elected representatives view their roles, when there is a conflict between what they view is the right course of action and what those who elected them view as the right course of action. If you start that discussion anywhere, invite me! I'd love to hear from those who have given this more thought than I have!)


Thursday, July 11, 2013

"The Process IS More Important"

That is the thought I ended my last post on: "Perhaps the process, in the end,  is more important than the speed anyway." Since last writing, I've contemplated that a bit and concluded I was right. (Surprise, surprise.)

What do we learn about learning as we learn? If we learn that we are capable learners, if we learn learning is exciting, if we learn knowledge can enrich our lives and figuratively color our world, wouldn't we keep at it, no matter the institution, or lack thereof, we participate in over a lifetime?

How many adults do you know who view learning this way? I was in a church class of all adults some time back that was discussing some of the greatest blessings in life. "Learning!" I enthusiastically offered. The facilitator of the class gave me a suspicious glance as if I was interjecting sarcasm into the discussion. (I've been known to do that too.) His reception to my suggestion struck me hard. It has stuck with me for more than a year.

This morning as I contemplated the process, I realized many adults view learning as something to dread. For them, it is a process to be engaged in only when it is forced upon them by necessity. And if they can skirt around it, they will, and do. Otherwise they go into learning with a head, heart, and mouth full of complaints. Shall I make a stab at where they "learned" this attitude?

Not all children feel this way about school. But sometimes liking it isn't much better. A friend of mine who has since moved away, was visiting with me about how much her oldest daughter liked school. "What does she like about it?" I asked. My friend didn't have an answer. I got the feeling she hadn't been asked that question before - as if when she had told other parents about this daughter, the liking was enough all in itself for everyone. So after a little prodding, my friend said, "I think she just likes getting good grades." She couldn't name a subject her daughter preferred or an aspect of school that seemed engaging to her.

As near as I could tell, for this girl, school was like a video game she had mastered. She excelled at wracking up points. Of course, the best part of mastering school in this way is that you might get to hear your parents telling other parents how good you are at playing the game. It is unlikely any parent would tell another what a wiz her child was at Street Fighter or Angry Birds.

So my question is, how can we change this? In a world of tests and grades and points, how do we separate ourselves from the view that winning the game is the score at the end?

I've heard Einstein kept a sign in his office that read, "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." Perhaps this great mind needed the reminder to value the process. Or he might have been teaching us to value it.

Wrapping up, here is another quote from a great mind and teacher: "You must unlearn what you have learned." That's Yoda. I love homeschooling because I get to unlearn all the time. Sometimes I'm unlearning that math is boring. Other times I'm unlearning that tests demonstrate how much one knows about a subject. Always, I seem to be unlearning what counts, and to pause in life and count what does. And I love that my kids and I are on this adventure together.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Reason #1,749: Gentle Learning

I love, LOVE learning with my kids. I've already marveled that a child can begin to pick up on the logic of math, and enjoy it, all on her own. (That post is here.)

I've mentioned this same child being frustrated by the nonsense that is the English spelling of words (here). Lest anyone report to his friend that "these homeschoolers would let their kids go through life gut checking the spelling of words and spelling them however 'feels' right," I wanted to share with you the events of yesterday.

This daughter brought me a notebook and said, "Mom, let's do the reading where you write down a word and I try to read it." All her idea. The timing, the notebook, everything. So I wrote the word "to." She knew that one. Then I flipped it, "ot," and asked her what THAT said. She is still in the phase of flipping letters in her mind, so it took her a minute before she said ot. Then I wrote a bunch of words that ended with "ot." Lot, got, spot, etc.. She read them fine. Then I wrote "ought." Of course, she didn't guess it.

I explained that I knew it was going to sound crazy, but "ought" said "ot," like I "ought to give my kids some candy." She agreed that it WAS crazy. Then I wrote a few words that ended with "ought": bought, fought, sought, thought. She read each of those. Then she wanted to go back and read all the words we'd written together. We did.

Then she suggested I write some words she could use in a story. I thought that was a great idea and asked her which words to write. They were standard for her stories. ;) Butterfly, old woman, glow, flowers, sunshine, etc.. As I wrote each, I sounded out the letters as I put them on the page. After this, she "read" through these. She wasn't really sounding out the trickier or longer ones, but just seeing what they began with and remembering the word she'd wanted.

Then we had to go pick up dad from work so she didn't have time to write them into a story. Perhaps she'll never come back to them. That's fine.

I share this because taking this time with her was so peaceful. So lovely. It not only fed her mind, but felt nurturing to both our souls. This small 15 minute chunk will not make her a genius, or ahead of her age group. But she will be a perfect reader one day, with a learning process of love and happiness behind her. Perhaps the process, in the end, is more important than the speed anyway.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Paul Revere Brought Presents!

It was amazing because just last night my son was processing that IF we got gifts from Cupid and the Great Pumpkin, among others, merely for believing, or so it would seem, then perhaps if we believe in someone leaving gifts for Independence Day, he or she would come.

Paul Revere did! He brought my most independent child a book which we have yet to read, titled Three Against Hitler. His note explained, "I was an ordinary man who lived in an extraordinary time. I loved the idea of freedom enough to be watchful so when the time came, I could do my part to fight for it. This is a story of other brave young men who did the same. Now it's your turn. You might be an ordinary young man, but always be prepared to do extraordinary things for the right cause."

Needless to say, we are excited to read the book!

Check out this blog post for other holiday visitors we enjoy that you might as well, if only you believe. And be sure to comment if there is anyone visiting your house that might come to ours if only WE believe!

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The Power of Self-Indulgence

I suppose this post is Part III of my "Trust Yourself" musings. (Go here for Part I, and here for Part II.)

We hear today from all sides that the world is a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad place. I can understand why it can be viewed as such. I don't believe it IS so awful, but if I am delusional, I still don't believe I am terrible, horrible, very bad, or even no good. Yet I'm surprised to discover how many people seem to carry about this image of themselves that they are defined by their weaknesses.

"I'm no good at math," "I have a sweet tooth," (which usually means, "I can't control sweet cravings"), "I'm not organized" or "I'm messy," "I can't follow a schedule."

And the answer to all of these problems is self-control or self-denial. Well, I don't buy it.

Growing up, my dad taught us to say about food we didn't like, "I haven't learned to like that yet." I think I said that so many times, I almost couldn't type just now of not liking food - just of not learning to like a certain food yet. (For the record, I'm STILL working on peas, mushrooms, and olives. And yes, dad, I try them about once a year to see if I've "learned" yet.)

In that phrase, "I haven't learned to XYZ yet," is the idea that at some time in the future, I will have mastered whatever I need to master. THAT is what I believe. I am not a person riddled with weakness and folly. I am a person with some learning to do. And what's more, I DO learn. I AM learning!

Interestingly, the process is sped along most often not by crazy stick-to-it-drive, but by indulging myself. My higher self. The self that IS doing the learning. The self that is not identified by weakness.

I access that self by turning off the knee-jerk, "I don't like peas!" protest and tuning in to my heart. Well, actually, my heart has nothing to say whatsoever concerning peas. But it has a lot to say about parenting, for example. The knee jerk is to fix all problems with a dose of anger. But why indulge a baser me? I can indulge love. I can indulge silence while I figure things out. I can embrace being confused by my children. I can allow myself to be overwhelmed by the responsibility to bring them up wisely and train them in the ways they should go. These feelings are more true to myself than anger. Why not indulge myself to feel them. And once felt, once I'm in sync with what is really going on in my heart, gone is my angry reaction, because it was never really mine to begin with - just an old habit I kept putting on.

Yes, I'm calling for a move to unleash the amazing people within us by ceasing to bind ourselves up with weaknesses. We are so busy saying no to ourselves that we have forgotten the joy of saying YES! to who we really are. It's time we trust ourselves, our TRUE selves, and discover the power of indulging THAT self.

And, of course, teaching this skill is another powerful reason to homeschool. Reflect for a moment on your school experience. How much was defined by "no's"? "We don't cover that 'til 5th grade." "Science time is over." "You'll have to wait 'til recess." "Chat with your friends after class." How often were we encouraged to BE? To let lose and be amazing?

I'm not saying every impulse of our children, or ourselves, should be followed. In fact, the older and more schooled we are (by schools and life), the more tuned in we seem to our base impulses. But we can teach our kids to tune those out. Now, better than ever. Now when they are more attuned to their true selves. Now before their lives are constructed with limits and arbitrary boundaries.

It can begin as simply as asking them (and ourselves) to "pause for a moment. Take a deep breath. Listen to your heart. Now, is that what you really want/need?" The honesty and intuition of your children will surprise you. And teach you.

Mine did. I learned this when my husband wanted to ban candy from our home. It didn't feel very balanced to me. (There I go again, annoying him with my gut checks.) I told him I'd rather give our children the skills to self-regulate. So we kept candy. I understood 2 things about candy. One was it's sugar content can cause blood sugar roller coasters and the other was, in sight, in mind. So we established the guide-line that we nourish our bodies first. We feed our higher appetites first. Then the kids can ask for a piece. (Sometime they do. Not always.) They get candy themselves from a bag in the cupboard. If they ask for another piece, after the first is finished, I have them take a moment to "listen to their bodies." If they say they need another piece, they get it. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they pass. Most often, after tuning in to their bodies, they don't ask for a third piece. In fact, I've never had to stop my children from OD'ing on candy. And my older kids have set very natural easy boundaries for themselves in social settings where I wasn't there to be "the enforcer."

I think this lesson applies to learning, to time management, to developing life-skills. What is it that we really want? What would our true selves, our learning selves have us do? Then, by all means, LET'S DO IT! And after you have done it, please hop on my blog and share with me what happened. I can't wait to hear your experiences with the power of self-indulgence!