Reason #232: Embracing the Season

When we studied Vikings, I learned something quite obvious. They took a winter break. It was too cold for raids. Being up north it was pretty dark too. They brought their animals into their homes and just hunkered down for a few months. And celebrated Yule.

I find myself thinking of the Vikings now at Christmas time. Oh, our town is SO COLD recently!!! I don't know that it's been above freezing for more than a week. And it's dark outside. We haven't let the chickens into our home, but we have noted we haven't seen them come out of theirs. We are hunkering down, and I love it!

I LOVE the winter! It is my favorite season. When you are a kid it's an easy season to love. I remember pretending for hours out in the snow. My dad built us ice-skating rinks in our back yard. Winter meant power-outages at our house, and snow days when my mom would wake me by putting another blanket on my bed and whispering to sleep on because school was cancelled. What could be better!?!

I think for many adults winter loses it's magic, but I was blessed to NOT have a driver's licence 'til I was 20 and didn't own a car 'til I was married. So I was still walking in the snow to and from work. I didn't have to scrape a car, or freeze as I waited for one to heat up. I trudged out, bundled up, into the wonderland of my youth and had streets to myself for quiet reflection and a dash of whatever I was imagining. Inside, I might have the lights off, snow gazing into the blizzard outside illuminated by the street light. (I wrote a poem about this. I'll have to post it if I can dig it up.)

Anyway, the magic lives on for me because I have kids. Kids are the best carriers of the torch of magic. But chatting with my husband today, I realized he isn't so lucky. Not only does he drive to work in a cold car he's had to clear the snow from, but he IS working. He is still out conquering the day. And his day doesn't get any shorter when the sun sets early.

It's not just my husband in this predicament, but MOST adults and even children. No one gets a season off anymore. We have light and centralized heat and so why shouldn't we continue being productive, right? We are in conquer-mode ALL YEAR LONG. Winter is just one more thing to overcome.

But I don't know that we, as a race, are wired that way. In fact, when you look at nature, to be in one setting ALL the time is down-right unnatural. Almost all living things have cycles and seasons. I wonder if the seasonal slump so many feel is really just wearing out from going all the time.

THAT is the beauty of homeschooling. We homeschoolers have the freedom to embrace what IS. (Of course, everyone - working adults and kids in school - has this freedom too. It's just harder to find time to exercise.) Anyway, it is cold. It is Christmas. It might be snowing outside. We might want to snuggle by the fire and read for hours. And instead of fighting all of that, we can embrace it! The Vikings didn't cease to be Vikings because they were hunkering down. And we won't cease to be families on a great quest to discover all life has to teach if we take a moment to relax and enjoy the season. Blessedly, THAT is one of life's lessons. Take a while to learn it well!

A Homeschooling Mother's Gift

On Wednesday we were at our local public library enjoying Biography Club - a time for kids to share in any way they chose about people they have been studying. In the course of our club's meeting, many families stopped by to see if we were what they were looking for. At the time, I didn't know that was creating the extra traffic. I learned later they were on their way to storytime with Santa Claus.

No, we were not what they were looking for.

There was no guy in a red suit passing out candy and reading from a book.

Instead, we were hearing stories told by kids, recounted or acted out, about about great men and women in history. We've covered kings, business innovators, artists, composers, pioneers and pilgrims, benevolent and terrible leaders, and people who have overcome great odds. WHO we have learned about in this club (which meets monthly) has felt almost as instructive as what we learn about them.

What struck me this week was the potential impact all these stories may have on those who tell them, and those who are privileged to hear.

Certainly, my thoughts were bent this way because of Cornelia Africana, my daughter's biographical subject. Cornelia Africana was a mother in ancient Rome. I've blogged about her here. The story I shared in my blog post has inspired me since I heard it years ago, but looking further into her life, I found there was more she had to teach me.

Cornelia hoped for great things for her children. Having such high hopes, she chose to oversee their educations herself. She accomplished this, in part, by associating with great scientists, orators, and thinkers of her day. She welcomed foreigners. And she told her children stories of the greatness of her family, creating the traditions of bravery and service she wanted for her sons. Her sons grew to be some of the most important men in Rome in their time.

What I learned from her life is this: I have a great gift to give my children. If I chose to, I can give them the best the world has to offer. These simple accounts - "just stories" by some reckoning - are of great accomplishment, or great wisdom, or great triumph, or great tragedy. Their impact is powerful because the stories are real. Because in them we see who we are or who we would like to be. In the safety of parental love and care, my kids are hearing stories best suited to THEIR talents and futures. Not because these stories will be on a test. Not because these stories are required by the state. But shared because of MY love for them - BOTH the stories and my kids. That is a powerful education - one that inspires and uplifts. One that empowers children to be all they can be, as all great people before them have done.

No, our Biography Club was not Santa and candy, but I tend to think that Cornelia Africana would have joined us, as might some of the other moms who passed, if they knew what we were passing out.

Meet the Experts

I wrote this for fun. I don't know if it belongs on my blog, but if you think I should remove it, feel free to speak up in the comments. Perhaps these are the experts who would answer the question I posed on an old post about Common Core. Hope it makes you smile. (And if you are inspired to make it into a video, share it here!)

Meet the Experts

Media: In news reports on cable TV, the internet, and network television, reporters, such as myself often refer to a group of faceless, nameless commentators as “the experts.” Just who are these experts? And why do we place so much trust in them? We decided to go in depth and find out.

In this segment we’re calling “Meet the Experts,” we’re going to come face to face with this honored group and find out why they have become so invaluable to society, AND our news broadcasts.

(to expert) Good afternoon.

Expert: Actually, it’s 11:58 so I’m going to respond, good morning.

Media: (sincerely) Thank you, thank you. An invaluable correction. Good morning...

Expert: (interrupting) For another 1.3 minutes.

Media: We’re here today to meet that group we most commonly refer to as “The Experts.” We aren’t accustomed to seeing faces or knowing names. I’m shocked, actually, it’s such a small group. But pleased to know you better all the same. And how shall I address you?

Expert: Expert works fine for me.

Media: Expert?

Expert: Well, we aren’t especially comfortable having our faces seen, OR our names known. But it was decided that in the face of a rising distrust in The Experts, it was a good PR move.

Media: It doesn’t appear there is much diversity among you, Expert. You are a small group of bearded white men.

Expert: I know it APPEARS that way, but Sherman, back there, is Hispanic. And Albert is actually a woman.

Media: Oh, I stand corrected. You are quite diverse, then!

Expert: We are. Our diversity is something we uniformly pride ourselves in.

Media: There is certainly great diversity on the subjects which the media quotes the experts on. How do you cover so many topics with such... expertise?

Expert: As a group, we have a broad range of specialties. For example Albert knows how to make THE best pb and j. While Larry can name 27 species of chipmunk.

Media: Impressive! And which one is Albert?

Expert: As I mentioned, we aren’t comfortable being identified as individuals. The Experts asked that I act as the spokesperson for the group.

Media: My apologies, Expert. Continuing on, I’d like to ask a question many Americans have asked from time to time, though ironically, perhaps this is the first time the Media has dared ask it aloud. That is: How many times can an expert be wrong before he’s not considered an expert anymore?

Expert: Actually, it doesn’t work that way. We meet bi-semi-annually at a conference of experts, ExCon, and at that time, vote someone out of the herd. (Glancing back) Lou! What are you doing here? We voted you out last year!

(Lou walks off, dejected)

Media: Why was Lou voted out?

Expert: His beard was not nearly thick enough.

Media: And so now he is out of the “herd”?

Expert: It’s a term of affection we use to describe ourselves because we like to move as a group, like a well-oiled drill team. In fact, we have some formations we’d like to share, may we?

Media: Sure.

(Expert Spokesman blows a complicated series of puffs on a whistle. Experts shuffle around and form a straight line. He blows a different series of sounds, the experts shuffle and form another straight line. And again, during the last, Lou shuffles in from off screen finding a place.)

Expert: (Proud expression) What do you think? (glances back) LOU! Get out of here!

Media: (a bit puzzled) They were 3 straight lines.

Expert: Ah yes. Figure 1 was The Experts lined up according to height. Figure 2 was The Experts lined up according to age. And Figure 3 was The Experts lined up according to birthdays in the fiscal year. Except Lou ruined it, because his birthday is in January.

Media: I noticed Lou’s beard was a bit thicker than the expert... you know it’s really difficult to describe an individual amongst a group that looks so similar.... That expert there has nearly no beard at all.

Expert: Yes, but he is our mascot.

Media: Mascot?

Expert: Well, he’s not in his mascot suit now, but would you like to see it?

Media: May we?

Expert: (calling mascot forward) We call him Muscles. (Muscles takes off sport coat and flexes.)

Media: It’s difficult to see Muscles' muscles beneath his shirt.

Expert: It’s not really about seeing as much as believing. At our last ExCon we did a series of complicated calculations and Muscles had the largest muscles of us all. I won’t go into how we arrived at that, but we all agree Muscles here is the most qualified to be Muscles.

Media: (in lighter, joking tone) They must cover how to dress at ExCon too.

Expert: We all attend a workshop there: Experts Dress for Success.

Media: You mentioned moving as a group, and certainly when the media quotes the experts it’s not like citing a supreme court ruling, 3-1 or 2-6. How do you find consensus considering your great diversity?

Expert: Oh, we don’t. Like this interview, we let one be the spokesperson with whom we all agree.

Media: And how is that spokesperson chosen?

Expert: It’s whomever covers that particular field of expertise. Since we kicked Lou out, we need to do some reshuffling.

Media: Reshuffling?

Expert: We draw our fields out of a hat. Sherman covers Celebrity Match-ups and Israel. Albert is Internet Laws and (pause) Domestic Tranquility, I believe. Larry is on Consumer Goods and the Constitution. Lou had been Animal Rights and International Relations, but those will have to be reassigned, obviously.

Media: And how about you, Expert?

(Another Expert comes up, taps Expert on the back, and he leaves and is replaced by the new expert.)

Media: (confused) Uh...

Larry: I tapped him out. Were you asking a question?

Media: Yes.

Larry: Oh. Then, officially I believe it’s 44.

Media: Thank you, uh...

Larry: Larry.

Media: (surprised to get a name) Larry. But I’m not sure you heard the question.

Larry: I stand by my figures, and I think in time, you’ll see that I’m right.

Media: Well, we’re about to wrap up, here. Expert and I were just discussing his field of expertise.

Larry: Albert? He covers the Economy.

Media: I believe he said Albert covers Internet Laws and Domestic Tranquility.

Larry: Oh, Albert the woman does. Albert the man is on Economy.

Media: And there was one expert whose field we hadn’t yet named.

Larry: Beg your pardon?

Media: Well, we have Sherman, Albert the woman, Albert the man, and Larry. Lou was voted out of the herd. That leaves one extra expert back there.

Larry: Muscles. He’s just the mascot. Just a body, really. No brain to speak of.

Media: Yet he is included in this exclusive group, “The Experts?”

Larry: Well, we believe in being incredibly inclusive, and diverse.

Media: Larry, thank you so much for speaking with us today! Please thank your colleague whom you tapped out.

Larry: Albert the man.

Media: Yes, Albert the man. The Experts seem to be a model for us all of inclusivity, diversity, consensus building, and polite decorum. You truly inspire the trust of the American People!

Larry: Thank YOU.

Homeschooling for the Holidays

I love homeschooling, if that isn't already apparent. And at no time does it get better than during the holidays. To have your children around while you cuddle, watching the falling snow. Staying OUT of the hustle and bustle by shopping (yes, with kids in tow) when everyone else is in school. Being the first to break in the sledding hill because everyone else is in class. Being present for every magical moment, and even creating a few on purpose. Snuggling on dark, cold mornings. Sleeping under the Christmas tree on a "school night."

I love the stories told around the holidays. Historical. Personal. Cultural. After researching for my post on the benefits of stories, I can't wait to fill this season with more than ever.

Happy Holidays to you and yours! May the season delight you and your family as you create treasured memories together. Do share in the comments what you love about homeschooling for the holidays, favorite stories and traditions, or ways that you make this time meaningful for yourself or your kids, or both!

Much love, thanks for reading, and stay tuned for more reasons to homeschool!
Steffanie

On Teaching Grace, From a Former Professional Ballerina

I am currently teaching ballet in my basement! SWEET! Nothing quite like ballet in a basement! :)

My brief little 4 week class is attended by my daughters' peers whose mothers, probably for all sorts of reasons, thought ballet in my basement sounded like just the thing! I'm sure some little ones are there because they have expressed an interest in dance generally, or ballet specifically. Others might be coming for an opportunity to meet other little girls and participate in a fun activity. I probably have a student or two who is not especially interested, but whose parents thought a broad exposure to all sorts of activities is a good idea.

All of these reasons work for me.

One mother shared yesterday that she hoped her daughter would learn grace. Grace is a lovely lesson for all women to learn. In fact, it's a wonderful trait for women AND men to possess, but somehow we are a little more tolerant of men if they fall short in this area. Anyway, her desire has given me pause to reflect on what she might be meaning by the word "grace," and if a ballet class in my basement will deliver....

Anyway, here are my thoughts:

Ballet is nice, but walking like a duck isn't so lovely....

Though some aspects of grace I learned from my own 21 years in ballet, ballet training is not what comes to mind when I think of the word.

Grace is smiling when you make a mistake.

Grace is confidence in the beauty you are, not the beauty you put on.

Grace comes with patience in your own learning process - a peace in the lack of perfection.

Grace is wearing your own skin comfortably - AND the attitude that allows others to be comfortable too.

Grace is added upon when you are kind to yourself in thought, action, and attitude.

There is a common misconception that dancers are not clumsy. Most of the dancers I know are aware that this IS the perception and find it terribly funny, as we are, in fact, some of the most accident-prone people we know. But ballet teaches good recovery. So when I trip on my own shoes crossing the street...THE street - the intersection of State and South Temple in downtown Salt Lake in rush hour traffic - I can jump back up, flash a smile to whomever caught the sight of me going down, and reflect on the great moment I just made in the day of some passerby. (True story. LOVE this memory.)

Grace isn't about how often you go down, but how you handle getting back up.

THAT is what I want to teach my daughters. That is what EVERY mother can teach her daughter, no matter her dance background. And if you are feeling a little short-changed on the natural gift of grace, every woman can begin the life-long practice, now and for free!

"Just Telling Stories"

I wish I remember the exact quote during my radio broadcast about Common Core with State School Board member Tami Pyfer. I had asked about informational texts in the curriculum reaching out to cover subjects outside of Math and Language Arts. In discussing the use of informational texts, she asserted that one of the aims of Common Core is to increase the critical thinking skills of students. And this begins in elementary school. Then she said, with a tone implying the "improvement" of the Common Core standards, that before the standards, what teachers were doing amounted to "just telling stories." (Again, not a direct quote. Just as close to the sentiment of what was said as I can get without remembering her precise words.)

I think the listener was supposed to feel, "Oh yes. What a disgrace. We don't send our children to school for stories. We send them for knowledge. For information. For FACTS! Enough of this childish storytelling! How about some EDUCATION!?"

I remember this unspoken, yet clearly articulated disdain communicated about the inferiority of an education made up of stories. It probably stands out in my memory for my immediate rejection of the idea that stories are somehow an inferior teaching tool to whatever nonsense has been cooked up in Common Core.

Thanks to my husband, who is an admitted self-improvement junkie, I already knew stories increase your mind's capacity to store information. Trying to remember something? According to his readings on improving your memory, you simply put it into a story and see how much more easily the facts or concepts stick.

Of course, any student of the Bible could probably have guessed (without science weighing in on the issue) that stories are powerful teaching tools. Whatever you make of Jesus Christ now, his contemporaries referred to him as Master, and teaching is what he did. How often did he teach with a story?

But science HAS weighed in on the issue. Here is a list of books about and studies done on storytelling and it's effects. I'll highlight in this post a few of my favorites. (Confession: haven't read the studies themselves. I'm quoting the summaries of the studies.)

In one study, students who listened to and participated in oral narratives in history showed "a significant increase in history affinity in the positive direction," while students who were taught in conventional lecture and note-taking methods had no such increase in history affinity. (Benefits of Storytelling Methodologies in 4th and 5th Grade Historical Instruction, 2006)

A study in 2005 compared the benefits of reading and storytelling. The recall ability of the group who was told stories improved over the group who read. (Storytelling and Story Reading: A Comparison of Effects on Children's Memory and Story Comprehension, 2005) A similar study done in 1998 showed students who "witnessed storytelling scored higher on comprehension/vocabulary measures than did children who listened to story reading."

The conclusion of another article I found on the benefits of storytelling shed some light for me on why my kids' Sunday School teachers are amazed at all the scripture stories they know. It's not like we DON'T cover the scriptures, EVER. But we don't cover them regularly - not as often as we should. We don't use them to teach other subjects or even practice reading. And we don't own videos of the animated stories. But the final paragraph of the article made me wonder if my dramatic self hadn't stumbled onto some good stuff.

Here are the author's suggestions:
"If you want kids to listen actively and understand the story, you have to read out the stories emotionally. Change the pitch of sound according to the feelings and emotions depicted in the story. Use effective body language to convey ideas in the exact way. Perfect storytelling is acting out a story."

Well, that DOES sound like scripture time at the Caspersons. It would make an outsider laugh. But it also makes scripture study something my kids love and request.

Anyway, I gather that there are all sorts of people who believe in the benefits of storytelling. They see/have measured advantages like increased social and cultural empathy, larger vocabularies, stronger retention, and extended attention spans, and find these benefits not only in subjects like Language Arts and History, but in math and science as well!

So the next time I'm around some "educator" belittling storytelling, I might just agree with them. After all, who wants an engaged learner? Who cares about an active imagination? Who was ever served by having empathy for people from different times and circumstances in life? Who wants a kid to know anything more than the FACTS right in front of him ON THE TEST?

.... Well, homeschoolers probably do! Now go enjoy a good story with your kids!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IN THE HECK I'M DOING!!!

Oh! It's so nice to get that off my chest!

When I read my blog from time to time, it sounds so peaceful, so reassuring, so comforting! And then I remember I wrote it..... and I am such a POSER!

I DON'T know what in the heck I'm doing! I have stressful days of tight chested feelings that I am failing my kids. That I am blowing it, royally. And since I'm off-loading, I might add that I am about the blindest guide you could hope to find. What qualifies me to be a voice to listen to? Not only do I lack any degrees on education OR child development, I lack a degree, period! I was a ballet dancer, for heaven's sake! What do ballet dancers know about kids!?!

If you check back in 17 years, THEN I will know what in the heck I've DONE. Then I can report how it worked out, if my kids are doing or did anything you'd like YOUR kids to do. Until then, I AM FLYING BY THE SEAT OF MY PANTS, PEOPLE.

All I would like to additionally point out is that no matter where your kids are schooled, no matter who is teaching them and what their qualifications are, we are all on this same page.

"Really!? Are you really suggesting that YOUR lack of a college degree in education is the SAME as a the public school teacher's teaching certificate and YEARS of experience!?!"

No, we are not the same. And, thankfully, I am not the one standing in front of YOUR kids everyday, responsible for their educations, and therefore, their futures. THAT is a HUGE responsibility. What an educator's education gives them is the confidence that their knowledge and skill will be sufficient to progress most children through a year of learning. Additionally, the system in which they teach provides that their failures in teaching will be addressed NEXT year, by someone else, or the year after by a specialist, tutor, or program. IF there is a child one teacher fails, that is still only one out of 25 kids, and that one child will have 40 or more teachers in a k-12 education. Odds are very low that ALL teachers will fail the same child.

That statistical reality is what the heck schools know. And when you look at their success rates, failures are only a small percentage. But for the kids who drop out, who fail to gain even the basic skills of surviving in society - learning to read or do consumer math - the failure is total. Educators can celebrate better test scores, graduation rates, etc. But lives are behind numbers. Kids live the consequences of their educations.

What EVERYONE does in front of a child whom we hope will gain the knowledge and skills necessary to live a productive, meaningful life as an asset to society, is.... THEIR BEST. Good parents and teachers know that if something doesn't work, you try something different. If there are problems, you find solutions. For good parents and teachers, failure is NOT an option, but different approaches to material and pacing ARE.

You and I, and the best teachers, will have days that our plans aren't working - where we feel we don't know what in the heck we are doing. Sometimes I feel rather rich with those days. I'm NOT a professional educator with a skill set and methodologies to draw from to find what will work. But I have - we homeschoolers have - an intimate knowledge of who our kids are. And we don't need to find what will work for 25 different kids every year. We WILL do whatever it takes and find what will work for OUR kids, right now. And we have time, flexibility, all the outside-the-box approaches, and unconditional love on our side too.

If you don't know what in the heck you are doing some days, you are in good company. Thanks for flying, with me, even by the seats of our pants, on this fabulous adventure in love and learning we call homeschooling!

Of Broken Bones and Broken Brains

This blog post has existed as a title only for about a month. (And I'm adding it's original title was "Of Broken Arms and Broken Brains." My son suggested the title change. Good call! Loved the alliteration! so there you are.) I thought it fitting to actually write it today, as the same son busted his collar bone yesterday.

The following quote - my inspiration for this post - came from an article on the "benefits of roughhousing." Larry Cohen, quoted below, is a licensed psychologist. You can read the article in it's entirety here.

[When it comes to the issue of roughhousing and safety, Cohen said he prefers supervision and knowledge, rather than too many rules. It's an approach that really set in when Cohen's daughter was younger and climbing around at a playground, and he kept telling her to be careful, over and over. "My friend said 'You know Larry, she's gonna recover more easily from a broken arm than from being timid and fearful her whole life,'" Cohen recalled. "Yes, there's a risk that a child could get hurt, but a loss of an adventurous spirit, a loss of excitement, a loss of confidence is worse than a broken arm."]

So, now my son HAS a busted bone, I can speak to this with some authority.

Just kidding.

What I wanted to say, even before the broken bone, was that the sentiment above rang so true to me, and I find it to be a compelling reason to homeschool. When we homeschool, we DO face the "dangers" of "doing it wrong" - of neglecting the education of our children in one way or another. I suppose when I write WE face those dangers, I really mean our children do. THEY will live the consequences of their educations.

Like well meaning parents hovering near their children on a jungle-gym, we may be tempted to stand over their shoulders as they learn too. Certainly, we don't want them to fail. Failing to obtain the knowledge and skill necessary in life is, after all, far more painful and damaging than most physical injuries will be. So we stress, and "supervise," or outsource entirely to a stressful, ultra supervised environment so our kids will be "safe."

But when we homeschool, we CAN (if we chose to) begin to let our children LIVE the consequences of their educations NOW. We can nurture their adventurous spirits by committing to be more spontaneous and responsive to what THEY want to do and learn about. We can preserve their excitement by feeling our own as we discover things together. And we can allow their confidence to build, both as our children meet with success in directing their educations, AND as they meet with failures. (Yes, even failure can teach them how to manage time better, what they need to work harder on to meet their goals, or, if nothing else, that they CAN cope with failure and disappointment and move on - that failing isn't defining.)

So the next time we are tempted to step in, take over just a little, and "save" our kids from themselves, let's ask, "Broken arm or broken brain?" And make the choice to step back and nurture adventure, excitement, and confidence by allowing our kids to run some risk in their educations. We may be amazed at what their confidence and risk-taking produces!

Do I Believe Homeschooling is Right for Everyone?

When we announced 7 years ago to my very large and opinionated family that we intended to homeschool our son and future children, our decision was NOT well received. My siblings, many of them in the student government of their schools, were convinced our children would be socially damaged. Of course, they knew homeschoolers who had entered the public high schools and they were weird! No one was able to listen, in that discussion, to the benefits I believed our kids would receive at home, convinced any educational advantages would be outweighed by social shortcomings.

Seven years later, most of my siblings (I'm the oldest of 9), have begun considering homeschooling for their own kids and future kids. I have a sister-in-law who was homeschooled and graduated from college at 20. My new brother-in-law told my little sister when they were dating that he wanted to homeschool their kids.

In fact, he asked me last night if "all homeschooling moms were like me." When I asked him what that meant, he specified a belief he perceived I had that homeschooling was THE best choice for everyone.

Well, my blog IS titled "2000 Reasons to Homeschool." So that IS my belief, isn't it?

No. Not especially.

I'm not exactly sure who my audience is. (In fact, if you want to chime in below and tell me how you got here, I'd love to know.) I DO know who I write for. The audience in my mind are the parents who want to homeschool, or have already begun the journey, who have found certain aspects challenging, who worry about it "working," or who know it's right, but haven't found peace about the how.

As you have noticed if you've read other posts, my writings aren't especially instructive on the hows. And my "reasons to homeschool" aren't compelling test score differences between homeschooled kids and their public schooled peers, studies about the social advantages homeschooled kids enjoy, or even reminders of the real threats faced by children sent out into a world of strangers before they have mastered themselves or developed the courage and wisdom to cope with the dangers found in all schools.

Those sorts of reasons may compel some to homeschool. They reflect other blessings I feel we enjoy from our choice to homeschool, but they aren't OUR reasons.

As a total aside, may I just say about test score differences that I don't think they are a reliable indicator of homeschooling's educational superiority. First, those who self-identify as being homeschooled are those for whom it is working. What do families do when homeschooling is failing to educate their kids? Put them back in public school.  So there will be far fewer poor test scores among homeschooling families simply because if kids aren't learning, parents don't generally continue doing it. Furthermore, many homeschooling families chose NOT to test their children. Once you begin the journey of learning WITH your kids and make learning a part of life, you realize standardized tests are a very poor measuring tool for knowledge. Of course, it can be argued that taking tests is it's own skill set, but not all families care to spend their time practicing it. And finally, parents more likely to homeschool children are also more likely to be engaged in the lives of their children and CARE about education. Who they are - the values they demonstrate to their kids in life together - likely have a greater impact on their children than WHERE their children attend school.

So if you have happened onto this blog and have felt insulted that I would suggest your children will have an inferior education because YOU aren't teaching them, let me be the first to reassure, I am making no such suggestion.

In fact, I have a great deal of admiration for involved, mindful parents who chose to send their children to public school. Let me tell you why. Participating in public school is to be told when to get up the next day no matter when you went to sleep the night before. It is to be told when you will take vacations. It is to be told where to be, no matter the educational opportunities that may arise OUTSIDE of school. It is to be told what you will learn and at what pace. It is to be told if that schedule doesn't work for you, that you are inferior. It is to be told when to play and when to focus, and if your focus lacks or your play time is inadequate, YOU have the problem.

Attending public school is to confine a parent's influence to the morning time of getting ready for school, the after-school exhaustion, hectic dinner times, and a few hours before bed NOT absorbed in drilling exercises called homework. It is to take from the family time left over, the opportunities for additional knowledge like sports, dance, or music lessons.

Attending public school is to accept that no matter YOUR instruction or beliefs on the subject, your children will be surrounded by messages that their value is determined by their backpack brand, shoe brand, jean brand, learning group, friends, or neighborhood.

Can children and families succeed despite all these obstacles? Yes! And there is a whole other list of challenges faced by homeschooling families. I  chose homeschooling for my family because I truly believe it's challenges are easier, or at least more suited to my own gifts, values, and parenting style.

Whatever you discover works best for the success and happiness of your children, DO IT! Children are our precious jewels and they each have only one childhood to bless and inform ALL of their lives. Make it a great one by making good choices TODAY.

Parable of Baby's Bathtime

My littlest guy was HATING baths. Poor fella. With my other kids I did better at bathing more often myself, and then having baby with me was such a fun, gentle way to help them grow used to being in water. But life these days has felt too crazy for such indulgences, so I had to find another way to get my youngest clean.

He also hated showering with dad. (No surprise there.) And it didn't matter which sib was in the bath with him (and they all considered it a great privilege to share that with him), or how much they played or smiled, he was convinced it was terrible and he WAS GOING TO DIE.

A few weeks ago I tried something so obvious that you may roll your eyes, but that I had never done with my other kids. I made a puddle in the tub instead of a bath. I had noticed he wasn't afraid of puddles or of water at the park. In fact, it was hard to pull him away from playing with them. So I thought he might be interested to discover he could have his very own puddle at our house!

He watched me put a bit of water in the bath. He saw me turn the faucet off. He noted the water's depth. Then he wanted in. I gladly assisted him there, and stayed close for comfort (and safety, though the water was truly so shallow it would have been a challenge to find a way for it to be dangerous).

As he played I thought to myself, "Good. At least his diaper area and bottoms of his feet are getting clean. They are what probably need it most."

Then he surprised me by trying to turn the faucet on. I thought the water might scare him - the sound or the temperature coming as a shock - but he was so determined I turned it on for a moment, and right off again when I could see his curiosity had been satisfied.

Again, I thought something like, "Well good. It's a bigger puddle and it will make for a better clean."

But before I could decide it was time to be done, he wanted more water again. And he wanted to watch it run for longer. We ended up adding water to the bath several times, each time when he was ready and stopping when he seemed through. And pretty soon my guy who hated baths was sitting in one and getting his whole body clean. Willingly. Pleasantly.

My little girl found us and wanted in on the party so she climbed in. The two of them were playing so contentedly I stepped into the hall where my husband asked, "What's our guy doing in the bathroom?"

"He's taking a bath," I answered.

"Happily?"

So I explained how it happened, and with a smirk on his face, my husband concluded, "It's a metaphor for life."

We both laughed, but he is RIGHT! More specifically, it's a metaphor for homeschooling! How often do the schools, or we anxious, well-intentioned parents drown our children in learning because "it's good for them," or something they need to be accepted in society? Of course, some kids enjoy the dunking right off. Others learn to quietly endure. And some fight it for longer than we really think their resistance could possibly last.

Why DON'T we try a puddle? Base the puddle of information on what they are already interested or fascinated in? Let them play for a bit, and see if they want to add to it? We must be careful to focus on the child's cues and NOT on what we think a reasonable result may be, lest we satisfy ourselves their butts are clean and pull them from their play before they have courageously gone as far as they are able.

My guess is, if we make it THAT fun, all the kids will want in!

Of Objectives and Obstacles

Have you ever thought something like, "I'd have a clean house were it not for my kids"? Or, "Were it not for my interrupting children, I could finish a 3 sentence email in under 27 minutes"? Or, "I would be amazingly efficient/organized/clean/social, but I'm too busy just being mom"?

I have had many such thoughts. Many.

Usually they come when I am stressed and TRYING TO GET SOMETHING DONE!

When these thoughts come I often let them trickle into my behavior and attitudes towards these obstacles, my children....

And then sometimes I remember that my children are NOT obstacles. And how did I ever forget? I love how beautifully this story illustrates what our children ARE.

It is said that in medieval Rome, the women used to gather and compare their physical appearances. (Not hard to imagine - don't we now?) Anyway, Cornelia Africana, a wealthy Roman woman (of so high a station that a King sought her hand in marriage after he husband's death), was questioned about her simple dress and adornment. She responded by indicating to her 2 sons and answered, "These are my jewels."

MY children are my jewels. They are my objectives, not my obstacles. Like Cornelia, I have chosen to be responsible for their education. I might have a gloriously fancy home, beautifully worded blog posts and emails, throw amazing parties, and live in a clutter-free environment, but if I fail to value my kids, their development, and our time together, I am poor indeed.

Child-led Learning - HOW

Originally, these thoughts were part of my first entry on child-led learning. I made them a separate post for two reasons. First, it was becoming an awfully long blog post to digest. And second, if one isn't convinced of the why's of child-led learning, the hows don't really matter. In other words, it's easy to feel that homeschooling is a daunting enough task in and of itself. Why complicate it with the additional goal of letting the content and method respond to each child? The schools don't do that, and we all turned out fine, right? In the WHY of Child-led learning I argue why this goal is worth the extra effort. And below I'll confess how that goal looks in my home.

My confession is prompted by these questions: "So, how do you let your child lead when you have lots of them, and none of them can read yet? I can't answer or research every question they think of IF I even heard them?" This was asked by a mom who had read my blog post, Courage to Be.

THOSE are great questions. They reminds me of my knee-jerk opposition to homeschooling when my husband first brought it up. I said something like, "That would never work. I want time for me. AND I want to have more than one kid. I don't think I could meet all the needs at once when all the kids are different ages."

Years later I can answer these concerns only with how I've done it. And while it might not be a formula to follow, perhaps my experience can serve as encouragement to find the hows that work for YOUR family. Because giving up on child-led learning is letting go of one of the best parts of homeschooling.

I interject here that our family's version of child-led learning is not as child-led as some families. Some families really do let their kids do whatever strikes their fancy, whenever. I have nothing to argue against that approach. But it' isn't how our child-led learning looks. There are a few reasons our child-led is less extreme than that. But certainly, if you are coming from a mind-set of recreating school at home, our approach may feel like a more comfortable toe in the waters of giving the kids more control over the adventure we call learning.

My first recommendation: Remember how wonderful it is to wonder.
Not every question needs an answer. When my own kids ask questions I don't know the answer to, I think it's really fun to join that questioning mindset. Can you marvel together? Can you come up with answers together? Inviting your kids to suggest what they think is the answer is a marvelous way to gain insight into their minds. My girls, when I do this, usually suggest fanciful and magical answers. I love this. I love hearing their imaginations run wild.

If the question isn't incredibly important, or if it's a question without a right or wrong answer, these imaginative theories are probably better than any fact that might be rattled off. These answers can morph into stories to share - your family's own fables. Or a wonderful guessing game where each person tries to outdo the next in wild suggestions.

Even if there IS a right answer, depending on the child, an answer which engages the imagination might still be a better answer. Is this encouraging our kids to live apart from the REAL WORLD - from the reality they'd better get used to, because life isn't always fairies and flowers? Yes.

But the cold, harsh realities of life have a way of hunting us down, it seems. Not to mention, if you pay attention, you will likely find some of the cold, harsh realities as themes in your child's imagination. So our kids, as they play and imagine, ARE preparing themselves for the world if we let them. And finding silver linings in rain clouds is a life skill too.

At some point, earlier for some, later for others, mom's best guess or a pretty story isn't enough to answer a question. In fact, some minds hit this point before they are able to read, and that is wonderful too.

Second recommendation: Allow curiosities to rise to the top, so to speak. My oldest used to ask "why" all the time. So much sometimes it was as if the question was an automated verbal response to anything I said. I might not spend too much energy researching answers to this sort of questioning. Not because I didn't value giving my child an answer, but because if the answer was complex, and he wasn't REALLY curious, he wouldn't really care or get anything out of the answer anyway.

But there were "why's" that came up more than once, or that my best guess didn't appease. These "rose to the top." Once there, these can be written down for reference at your next trip to the library. Or used to search for a good youtube video. The marvelous thing is, if YOU don't know the answer, YOU get to learn WITH your child. And most information suitable for kids not reading yet will be delivered in a way that is engaging to all ages on some level. So one child's why can be used to engage a whole family's discovery.

So your schedule may not include a regular science curriculum, but it might include a regular trip to the library. Or a regular call to grandpa, who is a science buff.

Which brings me to: Outsourcing. HIGHLY recommend it! I know in the post on the Why's of Child-led learning I asked why we might outsource something as fun as learning. Most parents who send their kids to school have other things that need to be done. Well, don't we all? We have food to cook, clothes to wash, a house to keep, and the non-learning needs of all our kids to meet. We might find it difficult to learn the science principle well enough to teach, or tricky to find the time to figure out how to make math engaging, or hard to let the house cleaning take a back-seat to a messy art-project. So I am all for outsourcing PART of learning. And one upside of doing so, aside from getting the expertise and enthusiasm of whomever we have outsourced to (AND not needing to cover whatever it is we'd be teaching if we hadn't outsourced), is that when one kid is off getting his math/science/art questions and needs met, we have time to meet the educational and life needs of our other kids. Now, finding help and tutors that are able and willing to allow learning to be child-led and not curriculum dictated IS tricky. But it CAN be done.

And you just might have a science curriculum too. We do. I'm not a science buff so I felt I needed one to explain my kids' science-driven questions. (We've also used a science tutor.) We use our curriculum in a few child-led ways. First, I offer to do science with the kids on a regular basis and see when they take me up on my offer. They have never experienced science as "something mom makes us do" so to them it sounds like an offer to have fun, and I can usually get them to say yes to the offer once a week or so. And WHAT I'm offering is child let too. Rather than say, "Would you like to do science?" I notice what they have been wondering about/experiencing, and my offer sounds more like, "Should we learn more about why our muscles get sore?" or "Let's play with the magnets in our science kit!" So though it may negatively affect test scores, we don't follow the curriculum order but insert it's content into the learning we feel inspired to do.

So that's my first big confession. I use a curriculum in our child led learning. The second is that we follow a schedule at home. Like the pirate code that's more guidelines than rules, our schedule is more of a rhythm that we try to sync up with that follow. And I chose the rhythm, but I based it on what I observed the kids naturally do. My son wants to knock any unpleasant or mandatory tasks out in the morning and have the rest of the day free. So our rhythm includes time for him to self-manage through all of that first thing, and a lot of free time whenever he finishes. And unless we have an engagement, I do mean whenever he finishes. The schedule has time frames in mind - they are broad and generous - but it usually means something like, "When we are done with breakfast, whether it's 8:30 or 10, THEN we'll move on to XYZ." The girls, on the other hand have each other to play with, and when they are well rested, they love to play. I don't interrupt that. Handily, their best play time comes when my boy needs more school support. My daughter gravitates towards school activities after lunch so I support her then. And we all like to relax after working hard, so when chores are done, we have family reading time.

My last confession is that I do require my kids to work on certain subjects. I wait until it seems they are developmentally ready, though. My boy didn't grasp math 'til second grade. So he didn't do math 'til then. He is older now, and math is a requirement. And he self paces through his math instruction online. Or we play a math game. Or I invent engaging story problems when he's bogged down in annoying long division work. (I myself HATE long division, but really enjoy figuring out how much I need to save each month so I have an adequate Christmas budget.) My school-age daughter still is frustrated by doing things anyone else's way, so we are still waiting to work on stroke-order for penmanship. When she gets there, it will be something I require because the muscle memory involved can't be built over sporadic sessions. (Math is another "practice subject" in my estimation.)

If I were more extreme in our child-led approach I would probably wait for the kids to initiate both the interest and consistency in these disciplines. Like I said, I have no objection to doing so. We don't.

Outside of those things which need practice (3 R's),  we are opportunistic in what we try to learn. For example, next week someone organized a cheap trip to a historical reenactment park. Knowing my daughter's interest in poetry and powerful women, I suggested she and I learn a bit about a famous poet/prophetess from the time shown at the park. She'll present what we learn together in our Biography Club, and the next day get to step back into the world her subject lived in. Cool!

So that is how child-led looks in our home. Practicing can be done alone. And we do practice. But a lot of our learning we do together. We don't worry too much about whose suggestion or curiosity it is to do so. It might be mine, or one of the girls', or my son's, or pertain to a curriculum, or relate to where we are going or what we are doing in life. We don't try to find answers to all our questions. We do try to ask more than we can possibly answer, and enjoy both the learning and the wondering. And all this is done in snatches between and woven into the lives we live together. It is a fun, sometimes crazy, sometimes stressful, always adventurous life!