Reason #1,687: Knowing the Whole Person

The schools are out today for parent teacher conference! Annoying! I miss my little town with no one out and about during the day but me and my kids and the other homeschoolers we bump into along the way. Oh well!

I've never gone to a parent-teacher conference, so I thought I'd share an experience from one my mother attended. :) She was visiting the teacher of my little brother who was in second grade at the time. The teacher told my mother that she "loved his outfits." My mother was completely unsure what this meant, as my family was not the sharpest dressers back in the day (or any day, as a general family rule)... and besides that, who refers to boys clothes as "outfits"?

How she arrived at the teacher's meaning, I don't now remember, but the reality was that my brother would head out the door looking like a normal kid and arrive at school dressed as a leprechaun, or old man golfer, movie character, or whatever else struck his fancy. My mother had no idea!

It's a funny story, but we likewise really had no idea about my mother's life while we were off learning about "more important things." Consequently, I had to wait to become a mother myself to figure out what being a mom really entailed. (Maybe SHE put on elaborate outfits when WE were gone too! I never thought of asking!)

Perhaps there were things I gained in school I might not have been able to learn elsewhere, but this understanding of my mother was one thing I lost. And she lost a fuller understanding of who her children were as well.

I suppose you can't have it all. There are pros and cons, gains and losses to all decisions we make. I am grateful I homeschool because I love seeing my children in their full selves. (Or at least as much as anyone outside another person can.)

I haven't met any parent that thought his or her child was perfect, but I cringe a bit when kids are described in terms of the problems they have or create in school, or like a set of talents and skills for the classroom. In defense of these parents, or at least these sorts of parental conversations, I think I would personally find it challenging to NOT see a child that way when my time with them each day was largely limited to how willing or unwilling they were to move through a set of tasks determined by adults who have a transient relationship with my children. And if seeing beyond the to-do's related to school would be difficult for me, how much more challenging would it be for a child to see a parent as more than the person who is constantly reminding them what needs to be checked off that to-do list?

A friend of mine a long time ago told me her 5 year old son reported that he would never get married because he didn't want a wife always telling him what to do. It was a funny comment, because every husband and wife know wives are not JUST people that tell husbands what to do. But we do see one another in terms of the roles we play. I love homeschooling because while that is still true, my full role is on display daily, AND I get to chose the rules, set the priorities, decide what gets put on my to-do list. Perhaps more importantly, and certainly leading to a fuller understanding of my children, they each do that for themselves as well.

I hope on MY to-do list often enough is spending some quality time with each child, coming to know his or her inner soul. Finally I hope to teach my sons and daughters THAT is what a mother is - someone who knows our inner person, and has time and love enough for whomever he or she is.