Oh! It's so nice to get that off my chest!
When I read my blog from time to time, it sounds so peaceful, so reassuring, so comforting! And then I remember I wrote it..... and I am such a POSER!
I DON'T know what in the heck I'm doing! I have stressful days of tight chested feelings that I am failing my kids. That I am blowing it, royally. And since I'm off-loading, I might add that I am about the blindest guide you could hope to find. What qualifies me to be a voice to listen to? Not only do I lack any degrees on education OR child development, I lack a degree, period! I was a ballet dancer, for heaven's sake! What do ballet dancers know about kids!?!
If you check back in 17 years, THEN I will know what in the heck I've DONE. Then I can report how it worked out, if my kids are doing or did anything you'd like YOUR kids to do. Until then, I AM FLYING BY THE SEAT OF MY PANTS, PEOPLE.
All I would like to additionally point out is that no matter where your kids are schooled, no matter who is teaching them and what their qualifications are, we are all on this same page.
"Really!? Are you really suggesting that YOUR lack of a college degree in education is the SAME as a the public school teacher's teaching certificate and YEARS of experience!?!"
No, we are not the same. And, thankfully, I am not the one standing in front of YOUR kids everyday, responsible for their educations, and therefore, their futures. THAT is a HUGE responsibility. What an educator's education gives them is the confidence that their knowledge and skill will be sufficient to progress most children through a year of learning. Additionally, the system in which they teach provides that their failures in teaching will be addressed NEXT year, by someone else, or the year after by a specialist, tutor, or program. IF there is a child one teacher fails, that is still only one out of 25 kids, and that one child will have 40 or more teachers in a k-12 education. Odds are very low that ALL teachers will fail the same child.
That statistical reality is what the heck schools know. And when you look at their success rates, failures are only a small percentage. But for the kids who drop out, who fail to gain even the basic skills of surviving in society - learning to read or do consumer math - the failure is total. Educators can celebrate better test scores, graduation rates, etc. But lives are behind numbers. Kids live the consequences of their educations.
What EVERYONE does in front of a child whom we hope will gain the knowledge and skills necessary to live a productive, meaningful life as an asset to society, is.... THEIR BEST. Good parents and teachers know that if something doesn't work, you try something different. If there are problems, you find solutions. For good parents and teachers, failure is NOT an option, but different approaches to material and pacing ARE.
You and I, and the best teachers, will have days that our plans aren't working - where we feel we don't know what in the heck we are doing. Sometimes I feel rather rich with those days. I'm NOT a professional educator with a skill set and methodologies to draw from to find what will work. But I have - we homeschoolers have - an intimate knowledge of who our kids are. And we don't need to find what will work for 25 different kids every year. We WILL do whatever it takes and find what will work for OUR kids, right now. And we have time, flexibility, all the outside-the-box approaches, and unconditional love on our side too.
If you don't know what in the heck you are doing some days, you are in good company. Thanks for flying, with me, even by the seats of our pants, on this fabulous adventure in love and learning we call homeschooling!
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Of Broken Bones and Broken Brains
This blog post has existed as a title only for about a month. (And I'm adding it's original title was "Of Broken Arms and Broken Brains." My son suggested the title change. Good call! Loved the alliteration! so there you are.) I thought it fitting to actually write it today, as the same son busted his collar bone yesterday.
The following quote - my inspiration for this post - came from an article on the "benefits of roughhousing." Larry Cohen, quoted below, is a licensed psychologist. You can read the article in it's entirety here.
So, now my son HAS a busted bone, I can speak to this with some authority.
Just kidding.
What I wanted to say, even before the broken bone, was that the sentiment above rang so true to me, and I find it to be a compelling reason to homeschool. When we homeschool, we DO face the "dangers" of "doing it wrong" - of neglecting the education of our children in one way or another. I suppose when I write WE face those dangers, I really mean our children do. THEY will live the consequences of their educations.
Like well meaning parents hovering near their children on a jungle-gym, we may be tempted to stand over their shoulders as they learn too. Certainly, we don't want them to fail. Failing to obtain the knowledge and skill necessary in life is, after all, far more painful and damaging than most physical injuries will be. So we stress, and "supervise," or outsource entirely to a stressful, ultra supervised environment so our kids will be "safe."
But when we homeschool, we CAN (if we chose to) begin to let our children LIVE the consequences of their educations NOW. We can nurture their adventurous spirits by committing to be more spontaneous and responsive to what THEY want to do and learn about. We can preserve their excitement by feeling our own as we discover things together. And we can allow their confidence to build, both as our children meet with success in directing their educations, AND as they meet with failures. (Yes, even failure can teach them how to manage time better, what they need to work harder on to meet their goals, or, if nothing else, that they CAN cope with failure and disappointment and move on - that failing isn't defining.)
So the next time we are tempted to step in, take over just a little, and "save" our kids from themselves, let's ask, "Broken arm or broken brain?" And make the choice to step back and nurture adventure, excitement, and confidence by allowing our kids to run some risk in their educations. We may be amazed at what their confidence and risk-taking produces!
The following quote - my inspiration for this post - came from an article on the "benefits of roughhousing." Larry Cohen, quoted below, is a licensed psychologist. You can read the article in it's entirety here.
[When it comes to the issue of roughhousing and safety, Cohen said he prefers supervision and knowledge, rather than too many rules. It's an approach that really set in when Cohen's daughter was younger and climbing around at a playground, and he kept telling her to be careful, over and over. "My friend said 'You know Larry, she's gonna recover more easily from a broken arm than from being timid and fearful her whole life,'" Cohen recalled. "Yes, there's a risk that a child could get hurt, but a loss of an adventurous spirit, a loss of excitement, a loss of confidence is worse than a broken arm."]
So, now my son HAS a busted bone, I can speak to this with some authority.
Just kidding.
What I wanted to say, even before the broken bone, was that the sentiment above rang so true to me, and I find it to be a compelling reason to homeschool. When we homeschool, we DO face the "dangers" of "doing it wrong" - of neglecting the education of our children in one way or another. I suppose when I write WE face those dangers, I really mean our children do. THEY will live the consequences of their educations.
Like well meaning parents hovering near their children on a jungle-gym, we may be tempted to stand over their shoulders as they learn too. Certainly, we don't want them to fail. Failing to obtain the knowledge and skill necessary in life is, after all, far more painful and damaging than most physical injuries will be. So we stress, and "supervise," or outsource entirely to a stressful, ultra supervised environment so our kids will be "safe."
But when we homeschool, we CAN (if we chose to) begin to let our children LIVE the consequences of their educations NOW. We can nurture their adventurous spirits by committing to be more spontaneous and responsive to what THEY want to do and learn about. We can preserve their excitement by feeling our own as we discover things together. And we can allow their confidence to build, both as our children meet with success in directing their educations, AND as they meet with failures. (Yes, even failure can teach them how to manage time better, what they need to work harder on to meet their goals, or, if nothing else, that they CAN cope with failure and disappointment and move on - that failing isn't defining.)
So the next time we are tempted to step in, take over just a little, and "save" our kids from themselves, let's ask, "Broken arm or broken brain?" And make the choice to step back and nurture adventure, excitement, and confidence by allowing our kids to run some risk in their educations. We may be amazed at what their confidence and risk-taking produces!
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Do I Believe Homeschooling is Right for Everyone?
When we announced 7 years ago to my very large and opinionated family that we intended to homeschool our son and future children, our decision was NOT well received. My siblings, many of them in the student government of their schools, were convinced our children would be socially damaged. Of course, they knew homeschoolers who had entered the public high schools and they were weird! No one was able to listen, in that discussion, to the benefits I believed our kids would receive at home, convinced any educational advantages would be outweighed by social shortcomings.
Seven years later, most of my siblings (I'm the oldest of 9), have begun considering homeschooling for their own kids and future kids. I have a sister-in-law who was homeschooled and graduated from college at 20. My new brother-in-law told my little sister when they were dating that he wanted to homeschool their kids.
In fact, he asked me last night if "all homeschooling moms were like me." When I asked him what that meant, he specified a belief he perceived I had that homeschooling was THE best choice for everyone.
Well, my blog IS titled "2000 Reasons to Homeschool." So that IS my belief, isn't it?
No. Not especially.
I'm not exactly sure who my audience is. (In fact, if you want to chime in below and tell me how you got here, I'd love to know.) I DO know who I write for. The audience in my mind are the parents who want to homeschool, or have already begun the journey, who have found certain aspects challenging, who worry about it "working," or who know it's right, but haven't found peace about the how.
As you have noticed if you've read other posts, my writings aren't especially instructive on the hows. And my "reasons to homeschool" aren't compelling test score differences between homeschooled kids and their public schooled peers, studies about the social advantages homeschooled kids enjoy, or even reminders of the real threats faced by children sent out into a world of strangers before they have mastered themselves or developed the courage and wisdom to cope with the dangers found in all schools.
Those sorts of reasons may compel some to homeschool. They reflect other blessings I feel we enjoy from our choice to homeschool, but they aren't OUR reasons.
As a total aside, may I just say about test score differences that I don't think they are a reliable indicator of homeschooling's educational superiority. First, those who self-identify as being homeschooled are those for whom it is working. What do families do when homeschooling is failing to educate their kids? Put them back in public school. So there will be far fewer poor test scores among homeschooling families simply because if kids aren't learning, parents don't generally continue doing it. Furthermore, many homeschooling families chose NOT to test their children. Once you begin the journey of learning WITH your kids and make learning a part of life, you realize standardized tests are a very poor measuring tool for knowledge. Of course, it can be argued that taking tests is it's own skill set, but not all families care to spend their time practicing it. And finally, parents more likely to homeschool children are also more likely to be engaged in the lives of their children and CARE about education. Who they are - the values they demonstrate to their kids in life together - likely have a greater impact on their children than WHERE their children attend school.
So if you have happened onto this blog and have felt insulted that I would suggest your children will have an inferior education because YOU aren't teaching them, let me be the first to reassure, I am making no such suggestion.
In fact, I have a great deal of admiration for involved, mindful parents who chose to send their children to public school. Let me tell you why. Participating in public school is to be told when to get up the next day no matter when you went to sleep the night before. It is to be told when you will take vacations. It is to be told where to be, no matter the educational opportunities that may arise OUTSIDE of school. It is to be told what you will learn and at what pace. It is to be told if that schedule doesn't work for you, that you are inferior. It is to be told when to play and when to focus, and if your focus lacks or your play time is inadequate, YOU have the problem.
Attending public school is to confine a parent's influence to the morning time of getting ready for school, the after-school exhaustion, hectic dinner times, and a few hours before bed NOT absorbed in drilling exercises called homework. It is to take from the family time left over, the opportunities for additional knowledge like sports, dance, or music lessons.
Attending public school is to accept that no matter YOUR instruction or beliefs on the subject, your children will be surrounded by messages that their value is determined by their backpack brand, shoe brand, jean brand, learning group, friends, or neighborhood.
Can children and families succeed despite all these obstacles? Yes! And there is a whole other list of challenges faced by homeschooling families. I chose homeschooling for my family because I truly believe it's challenges are easier, or at least more suited to my own gifts, values, and parenting style.
Whatever you discover works best for the success and happiness of your children, DO IT! Children are our precious jewels and they each have only one childhood to bless and inform ALL of their lives. Make it a great one by making good choices TODAY.
Seven years later, most of my siblings (I'm the oldest of 9), have begun considering homeschooling for their own kids and future kids. I have a sister-in-law who was homeschooled and graduated from college at 20. My new brother-in-law told my little sister when they were dating that he wanted to homeschool their kids.
In fact, he asked me last night if "all homeschooling moms were like me." When I asked him what that meant, he specified a belief he perceived I had that homeschooling was THE best choice for everyone.
Well, my blog IS titled "2000 Reasons to Homeschool." So that IS my belief, isn't it?
No. Not especially.
I'm not exactly sure who my audience is. (In fact, if you want to chime in below and tell me how you got here, I'd love to know.) I DO know who I write for. The audience in my mind are the parents who want to homeschool, or have already begun the journey, who have found certain aspects challenging, who worry about it "working," or who know it's right, but haven't found peace about the how.
As you have noticed if you've read other posts, my writings aren't especially instructive on the hows. And my "reasons to homeschool" aren't compelling test score differences between homeschooled kids and their public schooled peers, studies about the social advantages homeschooled kids enjoy, or even reminders of the real threats faced by children sent out into a world of strangers before they have mastered themselves or developed the courage and wisdom to cope with the dangers found in all schools.
Those sorts of reasons may compel some to homeschool. They reflect other blessings I feel we enjoy from our choice to homeschool, but they aren't OUR reasons.
As a total aside, may I just say about test score differences that I don't think they are a reliable indicator of homeschooling's educational superiority. First, those who self-identify as being homeschooled are those for whom it is working. What do families do when homeschooling is failing to educate their kids? Put them back in public school. So there will be far fewer poor test scores among homeschooling families simply because if kids aren't learning, parents don't generally continue doing it. Furthermore, many homeschooling families chose NOT to test their children. Once you begin the journey of learning WITH your kids and make learning a part of life, you realize standardized tests are a very poor measuring tool for knowledge. Of course, it can be argued that taking tests is it's own skill set, but not all families care to spend their time practicing it. And finally, parents more likely to homeschool children are also more likely to be engaged in the lives of their children and CARE about education. Who they are - the values they demonstrate to their kids in life together - likely have a greater impact on their children than WHERE their children attend school.
So if you have happened onto this blog and have felt insulted that I would suggest your children will have an inferior education because YOU aren't teaching them, let me be the first to reassure, I am making no such suggestion.
In fact, I have a great deal of admiration for involved, mindful parents who chose to send their children to public school. Let me tell you why. Participating in public school is to be told when to get up the next day no matter when you went to sleep the night before. It is to be told when you will take vacations. It is to be told where to be, no matter the educational opportunities that may arise OUTSIDE of school. It is to be told what you will learn and at what pace. It is to be told if that schedule doesn't work for you, that you are inferior. It is to be told when to play and when to focus, and if your focus lacks or your play time is inadequate, YOU have the problem.
Attending public school is to confine a parent's influence to the morning time of getting ready for school, the after-school exhaustion, hectic dinner times, and a few hours before bed NOT absorbed in drilling exercises called homework. It is to take from the family time left over, the opportunities for additional knowledge like sports, dance, or music lessons.
Attending public school is to accept that no matter YOUR instruction or beliefs on the subject, your children will be surrounded by messages that their value is determined by their backpack brand, shoe brand, jean brand, learning group, friends, or neighborhood.
Can children and families succeed despite all these obstacles? Yes! And there is a whole other list of challenges faced by homeschooling families. I chose homeschooling for my family because I truly believe it's challenges are easier, or at least more suited to my own gifts, values, and parenting style.
Whatever you discover works best for the success and happiness of your children, DO IT! Children are our precious jewels and they each have only one childhood to bless and inform ALL of their lives. Make it a great one by making good choices TODAY.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Parable of Baby's Bathtime
My littlest guy was HATING baths. Poor fella. With my other kids I did better at bathing more often myself, and then having baby with me was such a fun, gentle way to help them grow used to being in water. But life these days has felt too crazy for such indulgences, so I had to find another way to get my youngest clean.
He also hated showering with dad. (No surprise there.) And it didn't matter which sib was in the bath with him (and they all considered it a great privilege to share that with him), or how much they played or smiled, he was convinced it was terrible and he WAS GOING TO DIE.
A few weeks ago I tried something so obvious that you may roll your eyes, but that I had never done with my other kids. I made a puddle in the tub instead of a bath. I had noticed he wasn't afraid of puddles or of water at the park. In fact, it was hard to pull him away from playing with them. So I thought he might be interested to discover he could have his very own puddle at our house!
He watched me put a bit of water in the bath. He saw me turn the faucet off. He noted the water's depth. Then he wanted in. I gladly assisted him there, and stayed close for comfort (and safety, though the water was truly so shallow it would have been a challenge to find a way for it to be dangerous).
As he played I thought to myself, "Good. At least his diaper area and bottoms of his feet are getting clean. They are what probably need it most."
Then he surprised me by trying to turn the faucet on. I thought the water might scare him - the sound or the temperature coming as a shock - but he was so determined I turned it on for a moment, and right off again when I could see his curiosity had been satisfied.
Again, I thought something like, "Well good. It's a bigger puddle and it will make for a better clean."
But before I could decide it was time to be done, he wanted more water again. And he wanted to watch it run for longer. We ended up adding water to the bath several times, each time when he was ready and stopping when he seemed through. And pretty soon my guy who hated baths was sitting in one and getting his whole body clean. Willingly. Pleasantly.
My little girl found us and wanted in on the party so she climbed in. The two of them were playing so contentedly I stepped into the hall where my husband asked, "What's our guy doing in the bathroom?"
"He's taking a bath," I answered.
"Happily?"
So I explained how it happened, and with a smirk on his face, my husband concluded, "It's a metaphor for life."
We both laughed, but he is RIGHT! More specifically, it's a metaphor for homeschooling! How often do the schools, or we anxious, well-intentioned parents drown our children in learning because "it's good for them," or something they need to be accepted in society? Of course, some kids enjoy the dunking right off. Others learn to quietly endure. And some fight it for longer than we really think their resistance could possibly last.
Why DON'T we try a puddle? Base the puddle of information on what they are already interested or fascinated in? Let them play for a bit, and see if they want to add to it? We must be careful to focus on the child's cues and NOT on what we think a reasonable result may be, lest we satisfy ourselves their butts are clean and pull them from their play before they have courageously gone as far as they are able.
My guess is, if we make it THAT fun, all the kids will want in!
He also hated showering with dad. (No surprise there.) And it didn't matter which sib was in the bath with him (and they all considered it a great privilege to share that with him), or how much they played or smiled, he was convinced it was terrible and he WAS GOING TO DIE.
A few weeks ago I tried something so obvious that you may roll your eyes, but that I had never done with my other kids. I made a puddle in the tub instead of a bath. I had noticed he wasn't afraid of puddles or of water at the park. In fact, it was hard to pull him away from playing with them. So I thought he might be interested to discover he could have his very own puddle at our house!
He watched me put a bit of water in the bath. He saw me turn the faucet off. He noted the water's depth. Then he wanted in. I gladly assisted him there, and stayed close for comfort (and safety, though the water was truly so shallow it would have been a challenge to find a way for it to be dangerous).
As he played I thought to myself, "Good. At least his diaper area and bottoms of his feet are getting clean. They are what probably need it most."
Then he surprised me by trying to turn the faucet on. I thought the water might scare him - the sound or the temperature coming as a shock - but he was so determined I turned it on for a moment, and right off again when I could see his curiosity had been satisfied.
Again, I thought something like, "Well good. It's a bigger puddle and it will make for a better clean."
But before I could decide it was time to be done, he wanted more water again. And he wanted to watch it run for longer. We ended up adding water to the bath several times, each time when he was ready and stopping when he seemed through. And pretty soon my guy who hated baths was sitting in one and getting his whole body clean. Willingly. Pleasantly.
My little girl found us and wanted in on the party so she climbed in. The two of them were playing so contentedly I stepped into the hall where my husband asked, "What's our guy doing in the bathroom?"
"He's taking a bath," I answered.
"Happily?"
So I explained how it happened, and with a smirk on his face, my husband concluded, "It's a metaphor for life."
We both laughed, but he is RIGHT! More specifically, it's a metaphor for homeschooling! How often do the schools, or we anxious, well-intentioned parents drown our children in learning because "it's good for them," or something they need to be accepted in society? Of course, some kids enjoy the dunking right off. Others learn to quietly endure. And some fight it for longer than we really think their resistance could possibly last.
Why DON'T we try a puddle? Base the puddle of information on what they are already interested or fascinated in? Let them play for a bit, and see if they want to add to it? We must be careful to focus on the child's cues and NOT on what we think a reasonable result may be, lest we satisfy ourselves their butts are clean and pull them from their play before they have courageously gone as far as they are able.
My guess is, if we make it THAT fun, all the kids will want in!
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