College Update

My second child and oldest daughter homeschooled to and through high school, supplementing with classes at Logan High. We dropped her off at college in Aug to begin that leg of her education and I wanted to report on that.

The two of us, with her dorm room unpacked, and just before I left.

For a bit of background, she did not get a diploma from a public High School. She got a homeschool diploma, took multiple CE classes at a local high school, and submitted a homeschool transcript. She was awarded a scholarship to her college based on her GPA. She elected to ATTEND this particular college because of this scholarship AND because they offered her chosen program, Commercial Music (and it's one of the few 4-year programs there), and because they offered her an additional music scholarship based on an in-person audition she attended.

I mention the above because that is what I think parents are curious about - how the process of college admissions works, the kinds of classes one takes to prepare, etc.

I wanted to add a few observations that were surprising and were NOT on my radar. These may be of curiosity to families just beginning the homeschool journey. (They certainly would have been to me!)

So when we dropped this daughter off, one thing that struck me was how much more MATURE she seemed than the other incoming freshman.

That's a sweeping statement with multiple caveats: 1. I hardly had a broad sampling in the few hours I was on campus, nor have I had the experience at other schools to contrast incoming freshman classes. 2. I SPOKE to even fewer people than I saw, so this was a snap judgement on my part. 3. Her college is a very small and rural school that generally only offers associates degrees, so that may be related to the maturity level of those who choose to attend.

But on the first two points, when I shared with my daughter this observation after she'd been there a week and spoken and spent time with many more students, she agreed that she also felt more mature.

Though I'd heard many homeschool moms claim that homeschooling better prepared kids for college, a) I was skeptical that was true, and b) I was MORE skeptical it would be true for MY kids, mostly owing to our very casual approach.

So, IF she really IS more mature than many incoming freshmen, I'm the first to be SHOCKED! (Though I didn't explicitly tell her, I was happy with her choice to go to Snow specifically because she is such a YOUNG 18-year-old - her b-day was exactly 1 month before we dropped her off - and I thought she had a lot of maturing to do!)

So we began together to try and understand where that added maturity came from (IF it is real), and we have a few theories - the stuff that was NOT on my radar that I thought was worthy of sharing.

1. 1. She has been managing her time and life for years. I was too busy to keep track of her varying high school schedule, so she would remind me when I needed to take her, pick her up, etc. Simultaneously to academics, she was in serious pursuit of her passions, so she managed her time on her own to move those forward too. And none of this has been "on the beaten path." There's not a single program we've 'plugged into' that's met all the needs and had all the boxes checked off alongside peers in the same program.
2. 2. Her passion has been music. Music is exacting and demanding - not something that can be mastered quickly or faked. It requires ongoing discipline, but the same could be said for sports, dance, etc.
3. 3. Our family travel. Yes, she did some time away from our home for girls camp, for FSY, to do a brief nanny stint for my brother's kids, and she attended a Shakespeare camp. But lots of kids do this. And I never thought our family travel would have an impact on the kids' maturity because they had their PARENTS managing all the logistics. BUT she was able to watch capable adults navigate in unfamiliar surroundings, make new connections, and pursue unique and cool experiences in new locations.
4. 4. Finally, because homeschooling meant she was HOME more often, she was able to participate in a broad swath of adult life: shopping, meal planning and prep, cleaning, etc. I think this has led her to a deeper confidence that she's got this "life thing" and has nothing to fear.

Another caveat: this may just be HER. Her personality - a fiercely independent spirit pretty much from birth?

AND OF COURSE, the year has just begun. What will her grades be? What will her challenges be? Will she be able to suck up all the learning from ALL the aspects of life and emerge a more capable human being that has more power to be a benefit to the world? Time has yet to tell!

But if you are wondering if it's OK that as a homeschooler, you spend less time on academics in favor of your kids diving deep into something they love, or making them help around the house, or having an amazing family adventure, or that you have so much on your plate that you neglect to manage their time all the time, the answer MAY be something like this:

Not only will your kids be fine, these may just be the features of your homeschooling experience (NOT the bugs!) that make a big difference in the confidence your kids gain to face the world as adults!

He Made It!

My oldest is now a man! Whoa! And as of this spring, he has achieved his dream of joining a professional ballet company.

Photo Credit: Beau Pearson
Kai as the Prince in Ballet West's Family Series, "Beauty and the Beast"

Did homeschooling play a role? YES! And I find myself telling aspiring dancers more and more often that most who land careers exit the traditional system at some point prior to graduation. (Though many go on to earn college degrees or pursue other careers while holding down their professional dance job.)

I'm glad we homeschooled Kai (now over 18 so he can assume his public identity!) because we had so much time together before he left our home in pursuit of this dream. But homeschooling also meant he could put dance in the premier position of his education. And it meant he wasn't bullied in public schools about being a male dancer.

He remains an avid reader, is still studying Chinese on Duo Lingo, he learns everything quickly (so helpful when it comes to choreography), and he is curious and kind. 

Is he perfect? NO! Not by a long shot. Is he WISE. I'm hoping after some hard lessons he's been through that he is STILL gaining wisdom (like the rest of us!). I would probably change things if I could go back. But would I still choose to homeschool him? Absolutely!

Read the new about his promotion here: DANCER HIGHLIGHT: Kai Casperson | Ballet West

College Acceptance!

My two daughters have been enrolled part time in High School. They love the electives that I wouldn't be able to come close to duplicating: swim team, theater productions, debate. I love that through Concurrent Enrollment classes, they can be earning college credit AND experiencing something like that academic standard.

As I've mentioned earlier, enrolling them part-time has NOT been challenging. The schools (they are in two different ones in different districts) are very open to that, and the counselors have been great. There has been no issue participating in all the classes and extra curriculars they want and NOT taking the ones they don't. The biggest challenge is the schedule: finding classes that are back-to-back - so I don't need to make multiple trips to the school each day - takes some effort. And it can feel like our lives revolve around school: I've missed the freedom to go and do what we want when we want and not have to worry academic commitments.

Anyway, my older daughter is now done with that experience. She did NOT graduate from her public high school because she did not take the required classes for graduation. (She took theater for all 4 years, debate for 3, stage craft for 1, sewing for 1, and she has taken something like 4 or 5 concurrent enrollment classes.) Additionally, she has taken piano and voice lessons in our home, participated in after-school performing programs, and done classes with one homeschool co-ops and groups

This coming fall she will be attending one of the state colleges on a half academic scholarship, with an additional scholarship for her field of study: Commercial Music, with an emphasis on voice. It is one of the handful of state schools that will accept ALL applicants. It also is one of the few who has the particular program, and we have heard great things about it.

The transcript we submitted was only a list of all the classes she did take for her 4 years of high school. We included her lessons and her classes with the co-ops. We included her classes at the high school, indicated that those were offered there, and sent in their record of her grades. For her co-op classes, because no grades were given, I assigned her grades based on what I observed of her diligence and reference to what she'd learned. (Because she learned a lot she was excited and passionate about mastering, there were a lot of A's. But sometimes I didn't think she put in a lot of effort or blew things off, and those classes got lower grades - though I don't think I gave her LESS than a B.) She was not a perfect student in high school either. AND I should note that because she took almost ZERO science and very little math, her "transcript" did not include those subjects beyond what she DID take. However, whatever that combined GPA was (we did the math and assigned it a number), unbeknownst to us, it was high enough for an academic scholarship, and she was awarded that BEFORE she was accepted into the music program.

For that acceptance, she attended an in-person audition where she sang a piece of her own composition and another she'd worked on with her voice teacher. She also submitted what they called a portfolio (but they only required 2 pieces - not much of a portfolio IMO). These were her own works we had her record in a recording studio - one just piano, and one with piano and her singing. (She submitted these to another school with this same program that ALSO happens to accept all applicants, and she was accepted into their program as well, but NOT given a scholarship. She is considering transferring there after 2 years in her first school.)

I share all of this detail for two reasons. The first is that I do not know how much of our experience having a homeschooler accepted into college is based on the circumstances unique to us (though I expect, given the timing of everything that the acceptance and scholarship had nothing to do with the rest). And second, to demonstrate that there ARE advantages to NOT putting all of one's eggs in the traditional academics-in-high-school basket. If she had done school full time, I suspect her music would not have advanced to its current level, nor would she have had the other classes and experiences which have shaped her current direction.

How will she do IN college? How on earth will she survive the math class required for her major? Is she prepared for greater academic demands? These are open questions. She discovered taking an online concurrent enrollment class, which she failed, that she did not like online classes. She'll avoid those. The other concurrent enrollment classes DID seem sufficiently academically rigorous to prepare her for college classes, and she loved those. We also THINK/hope she has some level of mastery over managing her own time and projects - she's juggled speech writing with line memorizing, with voice, piano, and other homework, without her butt in a specific seat, without someone telling her what to do and when to do it. As for math, hopefully she can find some skilled tutors!

And I don't know if anyone these days is fretting about it anymore, but yes, she does seem sufficiently socialized - I wouldn't credit her time in school with this skill set. Through all of life - plays, church, school, homeschool, clubs, etc., she has had the opportunity to interact with others, and she has been fine to do so.

So is this a homeschool success story? NO CLUE. I don't know yet because life has yet to reveal what this daughter does NOT know and has not yet sufficiently mastered. (I ASSUME when those insufficiencies are revealed, she'll work on them and do fine...?) Beyond that, will she make good, moral choices in her life ahead? Will she be kind and serve others? Will the skill set she is pursuing in college be a financial asset to herself and her family? Will she be sufficiently wise to make a good decision on one of the most impactful choices in life: who to marry? When do we arrive at success sufficient that we can call it that? And how would we know it ALL came from homeschooling? No clue.

What I DO know is that homeschool CAN produce kids able to be accepted in collge, kids that are bright, fun, articulate, and talented. And so up to this point, 16 years in, homeschooling continues to be a blessing in our family!

No, it's not a typo! Gradulation is not graduation, but we are celebrating the close of one chapter and the beginning of another! (The backside of this announcement featured her accomplishments - from winning first place at State in Speech to being a big sister -  and take-aways from her various life experiences.)

Adding My Voice, Finding the Chorus

In 2020, during the world-wide Corona Pandemic, thousands of people tried homeschooling. This was my advice for their experiment, for perhaps merely the dozens that saw it: 

"There are things about choosing to homeschool that make it a hard choice, AND there are things that make it the wrong choice. Don't confuse the two."

The fact is, I believe with all my soul that everyone CAN homeschool. I may be the last person on earth to try to persuade you you SHOULD homeschool. Those aspects of your life that would make it hard, and those aspects that would make it the wrong choice are unknown to me. 

I may also be the last person on earth to try to persuade you about HOW to homeschool. Your child is as unique as your choice of how to go about his or her education. What works for one child - what works for MY child - may be an utter disaster for yours. This is true even among siblings. How could I ever hope to instruct an unknown parent on what is best for her child?!

But I do believe that as a parent, YOU know best. You understand best your child's needs. You understand your own capacity to meet those needs - even your inability to meet the needs yourself. Or in other words, you know when you need to call in outside resources. Those outside resources might be as big and comprehensive as a whole k-12 education system. But the resource could be as simple as a phone call to a friend whose advice leads to a shift in your understanding, or a great idea about how to approach those unmet needs.

So I want to raise my voice up against the outside and inner voices telling you you can't homeschool - that the only resource for any and all unmet needs is a 13-year-long system. Because the simple truth is this: YOU CAN HOMESCHOOL. 

I know you can not as some theoretical exercise, nor in a disengaged indifference of a stranger. If you WANT to homeschool, if you believe it might be best, if you want to hope that it will lead to better outcomes for your family, for your children, then I am cheering for you! I want you to succeed! I will cheer your successes, but MORE importantly when you stumble, fall, and feel the fear of failure, I hope you hear ALL the voices that believe you can succeed, and hear them all the more clearly! 

The following quotation has been attributed to many authors, but its message is WHY I share my homeschooling experience:

"A friend is someone who knows the song of my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails."

That you CAN homeschool, AND find success, peace, and joy doing it is my lived experience. If the desire to homeschool is the song of your heart, let me sing to you a story of my own stretching, my own fears, my process and joy and happiness. Let me add my voice to your voice inside that believes you can do this. And let this chorus grow and be heard and make the world a better place one childhood at a time.

A Few Simple Suggestions for Organizing Your Homeschooling Space

I began homeschooling in the days before social media. I'm STILL not on Pinterest or Twitter, or anywhere else where I might come across a darling room in a home, set up like a darling room at a school. That's fine by me - we don't have an extra room in our home to dedicate to the sole purpose of homeschooling. And I don't want to be locked in just one room for the process for a few reasons.

First, I've got things to DO! Teaching and/or learning with my kids is only one small part of my day. I spend less time on instruction than they spend learning. That means we do some portion together and they continue on their own while I make dinner, or fold laundry, etc. They find me when they need me, so the ARE all over the house learning.

Beyond MY needs, the kids often need to be in separate spaces, one needing to concentrate on Math while another practices Spanish pronunciation, my little guy escaping the piano practice to find a quite corner to read while we snuggle.

Finally, I like spatially representing that learning happens everywhere. "School" is not confined to a space or a time. So we learn all day, and learn everywhere we go.

But doesn't doesn't need to mean our tools for learning are scattered to wherever we used them last (though that has ALSO happened!). So here is what WE do, so things are easy to find and use and hunting them down doesn't become a barrier to accomplishing a task.

I have a "school work bucket" in the kitchen in a lower cabinet where everyone can reach it. It is the catch-all for everything we use or could conceive of using in the space of a few month. It holds the books we are working on together, papers, math worksheets, answer books, and DVD's. It may have the art projects and a few art supplies too. And a few crayons and markers thrown in for good measure. I tell the kids that their task (penmanship practice, math, whatever) isn't done until their things are put away. Of course, some days it feels like I'm saying that 'til I'm blue in the face. But when I come across something that has been left out elsewhere in the house, I just drop it in the school work bucket, and when they can't find something, that is always the first place to look.

The school supplies we AREN'T using regularly (the books on science experiments we haven't gotten to yet, the discount workbooks that were on a screaming sale we aren't advanced enough yet to crack, the math worksheets one kid has grown out of before another grows into them) are all in a closet. (But lacking closet space, I would organize them either by grade level or subject and box them up to fit in storage or under a bed somewhere.) 

Then a few times each year I go through the school work bucket. If we aren't using something anymore, it goes back to the closet to wait for another sibling (or given away if we are done or I didn't find it useful). And as the kids advance I see what is in the closet that can be transferred to the school work bucket, like a tickler file to remind me to try this or use that.

I should comment about storing completed school work too! Their math until older grades, is done on transparencies so I lack a lot of evidence they DID it. But samples of their art, penmanship, writing, projects, etc. go into a collection bin (also in a cupboard in the kitchen). A few times a year, I empty this bin by sorting out who did what and placing this completed work into binders for each child, like a scrap book only FAR LESS darling. I divide the work by "grade" level, and because I only save incremental samples and not ALL of it, usually a few grade levels can fit in a single binder.

Having these binders helps the kids to see their progress and helps younger sibs see that their older sibs, who may presently do something better than they do, once were at the same skill level as their younger siblings. AND I found it really helped when I was putting transcripts together for college and an application to attend a private school! For my oldest son's "high school" transcript we assembled when he was 15, we were able to flip though this binder and remember what he studies in history, in science, in Chinese, and THAT he studied certain things so we had a fuller record of his learning.

This system has worked for our family for over a decade. Homeschooling does NOT require a school room, though if you have one and love it, more power to you! You don't need to spend a fortune on setting things up. Remember that along side your children's learning, YOU are learning what works best for YOUR family. You will discover what that is, and if the solutions you find are simple and inexpensive, all the better!

"All the Way to College"

Here was my progression:

We are NOT going to homeschool because I want and need a life.

We ARE going to homeschool ALL the way to college because it is more optimal for child development.

Actually, that is not exactly how it went. But we landed on homeschooling as our first educational option when my oldest (and only child at that point) was 3, and within 2 years (or in time for him to begin Kindergarten) we were telling everyone our intent to led it ride through Junior High and High School, "all the way to college"... if it was working. 

Clearly, we felt that the first 2 years of homeschooling preschool were working. And the caveat of "if it was working," is a large caveat that brought a lot of peace. "We're in this for the long haul. AND we are not locked in and will do public school whenever it seems MORE beneficial."

Immediately, when this became our mindset, with kids merely 5 years old and 2 years old, we started fielding questions about college: "How are they going to get into college?" "How are you going to get them ready for college?" "Are you going to homeschool college TOO?" "Are they even going to GO to college?"

There are probably parents who can answer those questions definitively for their 5 and 2 year olds with a straight face. I had to laugh, because what OTHER parents are grilled about college before their kids have graduated Kindergarten?

Still, it's not like my laughter was a GOOD, or INFORMED answer. Well honestly, I didn't have one. But I DID have a decade to figure it out. So I opted not to sweat it. "We'll see," seemed a sufficient answer to the barrage of doubt others wanted to hurl at me for our choice.

Fast forward one decade. My oldest is 15 and has ONLY homeschooled. Something was working. But was it college worthy? WHAT ABOUT COLLEGE?

I figured it was time to find answers to that question. He was quickly reaching the limits of the instruction and even the structure we could provide. He needed to continue to stretch himself academically, and I figured we might as well stretch in that direction, so I began to explore options. Could he take concurrent enrollment? Well no. He wasn't a high school student - that is how colleges provide those classes: through the high schools. Could he take college level courses at our local tech school? No. He was too young. Do correspondence online? Maybe, but when I asked around about it, I didn't hear good things about the programs, and IF he didn't end up attending the college through which the correspondence courses were offered, the time and effort and expense diminished in value.

Committed to continually walk through options, we found ourselves walking through the doors of a community college and sitting down with a gentleman in the enrollment office. I said something like, "I have a 15 year old here who has been homeschooled and moving forward, we would like to prepare him for college. What do we need to do?"

He responded, "Would he like to attend here?"

"Sure," I answered. And why not? The school was easily accessible to where my boy lived. They had lots of online options too. It was going to be cheaper than a university. And my son's goal to be a professional ballet dancer did not necessitate a degree of any kind, so what did it matter to his employer where he rounded out his knowledge and skill set?

But what came next shocked me. "Would he like to enroll NOW?"

I stuttered, I stammered. "Is that POSSIBLE?"

"He needs a diploma."

"But we've only homeschooled."

"Then you need to create a homeschool diploma."

HOLD ON ONE MINUTE! CREATE a homeschool diploma? Well, as it turns out, YES!! A "diploma" is a piece of paper from an institution certifying that one has completed the institution's course of study. It's "official-ness" or LACK of "official-ness" is only a reflection of the institution. When you have completed Papa Henry's Yoga Basics, he can issue a REAL diploma stating you completed Papa Henry's Yoga Basics. You are DONE with his class. The diploma is as real as Papa Henry's course and your completion of it. That means that the only difference between a homeschool diploma and a high school diploma is that one comes from our homeschool and the other from an accredited public school (presumably). But the pieces of paper certifying completion are equally "official."

As incredible as it sounds, here is what we needed for my 15 yo's college enrollment: a homeschool diploma (we got a nice piece of paper and came up with a name for our school, certified he'd "finished," and signed it), a homeschool transcript (I typed up everything he'd studied in the last 4 years including trips we'd been on and books he'd read), $40, a state ID (we'd already got him his learner's permit), and some filled out forms. 

What about GPA? That's a funny story. When we returned to hand all this in, they opened and looked at his homeschool transcript. I'd broken it down as alike to a high school transcript as I could, by broad subjects (ex: History), by a more narrow topic, (ex: American History), and then listed what he'd done. (I actually had my boy do most of this. I just cleaned the formatting up and made sure we hadn't left anything out.) So they glanced over a few pages and asked, "Are there any grades?" I had not assigned him any reflection on how he'd performed in any of these studies. "No, but I'd be happy to add them." Why not? I could go back and reflect on what level of mastery my boy had arrived at and indicate that with a letter. "No, it'll be fine," they said. Clearly my boy was not enrolling in an academically rigorous institution. That worked fine for our non-rigorous approach!

And what about tests? Interestingly the  SAT and ACT are tests which are supposed to measure college aptitude and readiness. And increasingly, colleges are feeling that scores on these tests are NOT a decent measure. But that is a side note in an evolving institutional prerogative. I think all THIS school cared about was whether or not MY child could keep up in whatever class he chose to take. To determine this, and without anything MORE official, WHEN my son needs to take a class with a pre-req requirement he will need to take placement tests for English and Math. When we spoke to a counselor about his classes, we were told that the English placement classes simply determine if you speak English with sufficient fluency. Noting how I yammered on, he quipped that he didn't expect my son to have any problems. (So far, my boy has enrolled in one science class, one philosophy class, and one music class, all without taking these tests.) He will need a math test to place into the class he needs for his associates degree as well. We are working to prepare him to test into that class, and hoping he can learn what he needs to get in (with the help of free, school provided tutors, no less), learn the content of the class, and be done. I should note that these tests cost $40 and can be taken over and over.

What about paying for these classes? Yes, they DO cost money. We didn't think we'd qualify for finacial aid of any kind, but it is available. The first class he took, "Scientific Foundations of Human Nutrition" cost between $500-700, I think. If I remember correctly (it's been 2 years now since we looked at it) a 2 year degree was around $9k maybe... BUT his enrollment came with a free public transportation pass, and this boy was on the bus daily. The monthly bus pass was costing us almost $80/mo. When factoring in that we have not needed to pay for the bus since he enrolled, THAT class was paid for. So the cost, whatever that amount is, is something most of us will pay anyway. The kid with a full ride might need a car and gas. We ALL pay a bit. This bit seems economical to us.

So the plan was and remains this: start slow to learn how to "college," after which we ramp up to 2-3 classes/semester. Because of his early start, he may still finish by the time he's 19 or 20 (after his 1 yr break to train with the Boston Ballet) and walk away with an associates. Sure, it's from a community college, but it's a degree that may help him get into another institute of learning. Living life with an expectation TO learn. Always expecting to move forward and figure out how to progress with the knowledge and experience one has, expecting to master what ELSE is needed. In the bigger picture, isn't this what college is for? Isn't this what "higher education" IS?

Yes, we homeschooled all the way "to college." We just arrived there a little differently.

Homeschooling as a "Directional" and Not Merely "Destinational" Experience

I'm struck by how often in life we benefit from the direction - from the aim - we've taken to reach a certain outcome before and sometimes even regardless of whether or not we actually obtain the stated objective. I suppose this blog is filled with evidence of this. I certainly did not begin homeschooling TO reap most of the blessings articulated here. Homeschooling was FOR the kids. I wanted them to have deeply enriching childhoods, I wanted them to find balance in their success however they defined it, and I wanted them to be able to learn about whatever it was that seemed to fuel their souls and passions.

Are we THERE yet? Maybe, in brief snatches a time. On the path, certainly. And still waiting to arrive. But along the way there have been a host of other benefits reaped by this direction, before our stated destination is fully in view.

The ones springing to mind to today are likely echos of sentiment I've expressed before. I don't think that is because they represent ALL homeschooling has to offer. I'm sure the blessings of the direction vary from family to family, parent to parent, and child to child. But if these sound repetitive, I believe it is because they are consistent. They persist regardless of the ages of my kids, regardless of what ELSE we are doing or not doing, regardless of my inexperience in what I'm doing growing to a comfortable confidence that something is working.

The first blessing of this homeschooling direction is TIME! I have enjoyed more quantity AND quality time with my kids. This has enabled daily pleasures like (still!) snuggling with my youngest, now eight years old; to more life altering outcomes like being able to let my oldest move out of the house when, at 13 years old, his talent and dreams caught him up and away. (A choice I might never had allowed were it not for the wealth of memories we'd created together over his entire life to that point.)

And it has not only been "time with mom" that has been a blessing. The kids have also had more time to develop relationships with each other and our extended family - that's time spent vacationing with grandparents, nannying for their little cousins that live out of state, and visiting and playing with cousins, uncles, and aunts whenever we have the opportunity to get together. We have been able to seek out this family time more often, not constrained by rigid attendance requirements, and enjoy it better when we are together.

Homeschooling has also increased my intellectual curiosity. I think of all the things I have learned studying history with my kids I never would have known, remembered, or cared about. I've tried painting with my kids who need "art." We put science events on our calendar as a high priority, and enjoy going; without homeschool setting our direction, it's unlikely these outings would be on my radar, let alone my priority list. I'm even more politically engaged than I thought I would be, because I'm engaged in creating a future for my kids instead of passively letting one unfold.

This has all translated to a more active family lifestyle. Looking for engaging ways to learn has made us more likely to travel, to attend events in the community, and to care about community and involve ourselves in it. (Not to mention that being networked with homeschoolers is an immediate connection to so many resourceful and active people that activating ourselves becomes all the more simple.)

Finally, homeschooling has transformed me from a "program follower" into a "problem solver." My parenting has become both more responsive and more proactive. Every parent faces challenges in raising and securing an education for each child that meets their needs and benefits their future possibilities. Homeschooling has helped me to take an active role in meeting these challenges. I DON'T assume "this is just the way it is," or that "maybe it will be better next year," or that "this is rough, but there's nothing I can do about it." When problems arise, I actively engage to find solutions and assume I have some power to make things better. And when opportunities seem few, I create them! Rather than lament that this or that is not part of my kids' school experience, I find ways to add in whatever it is that is lacking! (This chance to create and implement solutions and growth experiences is extremely satisfying to my soul, I would add!)

In the end, who my children become, what THEY take away from their homeschooling experience is still their choice. We can never enforce the success of another human being, regardless of how we measure or define it. Despite my "destinational" intentions, where my children GO is up to them.  But I have been so blessed by our journey, by our direction in homeschooling. And these blessings seem to shine a warmth and joy on so much of the rest of life!

Preparing Your Kids for Successful Adulting

Years and years ago, when I was single, I took a class on marriage and dating. As a glaring example of my pragmatism going way back, I ended up dropping the class for its heavy focus on dating. "Why," I reasoned, "would I fill my head with good info on dating when I don't even have a boyfriend?" Considering the other participants in the class were wet-behind-the ears college freshman who were practically already engaged, this was probably the right call for my 23 year old self. I didn't feel like the "target audience."

But before I stopped going, I did make one note that made it into my binder of life-study notes, and I just came across it today. It's a list of the characteristics of both husbands and wives compiled from a study on successful marriages. (That's all the info I have. Sorry. No sources.)

So here's the list:

Connection to a higher power (faith). Love and concern. Emotional maturity. Industry and initiative. Economic maturity. Health/heredity. Character and integrity. Patience/tolerance. Handyman/homemaking. Child-rearing abilities. Intellectual maturity. Ability to give/receive affection. 

When we consider that, for economic reasons alone, it benefits both males and females to have successful marriages, and that if done right they will be married for the majority of their adult lives, it WOULD seem wise to incorporate BUILDING these skills into any education that actually IS aiming to prepare children and youth to transition into successful adults.

So reviewing the list, I'm struck by how little may actually be covered in a traditional k-12 education. And we are tempted to interject, "Well of course not! Parents, families, the HOME still do have some responsibility to prepare kids. That's where they can and hopefully do see these principles lived anyway!" 

I'm not arguing that's NOT true. I DON'T think it's fair to expect the schools to do everything. And yet, does society have that unconscious expectation anyway? When the public school mindset takes our youth out of the home so consistently with academics, extra curricular activities, and socialization, DO they have the TIME and OPPORTUNITY to BUILD child-rearing abilities (as one example)? If they are not around to help make dinner, let alone eat it, when ARE they gaining homemaking skills (as another)? 

I've said before, "LIFE is school" (that learning that prepares you for the future). And I confess sometimes that legitimately feels like a cop-out. (Shhhh! Don't tell anyone!) But shopping, cleaning the bathrooms, making breakfast, hauling rock in the garden, playing with siblings, visiting cousins, scripture study, helping mom on a business venture, giving feedback on where to hang pictures, listening to another podcast on exercise with dad, enduring a political discussion with your crazy uncles ... ALL that COUNTS as "school"?

Well, if the list above is anything worth caring about, yes! If the point of school is to prepare a child to become a successful adult, yes! If an income and college degree is not the only value an adult brings to relationships and the world around him/her, YES!

Something tells me this list is worth taking out of my dusty binder and putting it somewhere where it can receive a little more intention from me as I homeschool and parent. I'm comforted I'm moving in the right direction. I needed the reminder the direction IS right, and to keep moving!

The Evolving Pragmatism of Making Homeschool Work

I've now been homeschooling for 11 years. Though in my own blog I speak of homeschooling in terms of lofty ideals, if I haven't before gotten really REAL about the day-to-day grind, let me just do so now.

There is a whole homeschooling philosophy out there built around this phrase: "Inspire. Don't require." I like this idea. A lot. I think it can work and the results are inspiring. I mostly view them from a distance. The purists of this ideal I THINK I know are acquaintances who often present at homeschooling conferences and sell product built around this philosophy. I haven't had a heart-to-heart with any of them, heard their struggles, or shared mine. But I like to believe the approach CAN work.

Me, however? When people ask how I can do something as difficult as homeschooling for years on end, I joke that it's my rock bottom expectations that make it possible. What I mean is that at the end of the day, at the end of this time I've been gifted to raise my kids and BE with them, my expectation is only that they will master the skills that are necessary for their lives. That IS a requirement. Some it they get to inform: the son that wants to be a professional dancer spends a ton of time on dancing, the daughter who wants to sing on Broadway spends a ton of time on her voice, the daughter who wants to be a swimmer is expected to do exercises every day.

But some of it is MY expectation, my REQUIREMENT: what is acceptable penmanship, math fluency, speaking and communications skills, self-care/cooking/housekeeping skills. Do we INSPIRE? Well... we try to show our kids how what they are working on ties into their ideas of what life will look like in the future.

ARE they inspired? Meh. Yes and no. The younger two (10 and 7) waste a ton of time every day just messing around or playing with each other. Often they resist if I ask them to "get started on their school work."

If I WANTED to, or could remain available all day to support them, perhaps I wouldn't require that they actually get started, but I don't want to just be waiting for them all day to need me. So I don't spend energy trying to force them to do anything, but the understanding is that they can't watch anything, go anywhere, or play with other friends until they have completed their homework. AND if they gripe about covering these basics, they don't get any extras like lessons, or anything fun. (Yeah, a pretty big "require" right there.)

But this works. And my kids at these ages, lacking the perspective to grasp fully that I, at my age,    do still need clear penmanship AND use my multiplication facts, and without setting the expectation for myself to daily "figure out a way to make this or that engaging," setting these requirements is also sustainable.

The other thing I would add is that while I don't think short-term incentives are included in the concept of "inspiring," these also WORK. Despite all the research about how giving kids rewards damages their intrinsic motivations, the fact remains we ALL give ourselves rewards - it's how we get ourselves to do the hard stuff, whatever we feel that "hard stuff" is. (When I finish my taxes, I'll watch a movie; when I have saved enough money, I'll go on vacation.) In our family, we like to do fun things, or even watch a movie, or have fun plans that we understand come AFTER we have put in the work. And mostly this IS effective, especially when the kids know that they will NOT get to do the fun stuff no matter what. Yes, it's a drag to cancel, or enacting the consequence of time wasting; but not nearly as big a drag as growing up non-functional because you never learned to NOT waste time. These short-term incentives work, and I see that as the kids mature, so does their sense of moving through their obligations with their allotted time, and that is "Adulting 101."

ALL of this going SO against the ideas of child-led learning and inspiring instead of requiring. BUT perhaps of equal significance to just moving through the work, I note that when I require a bit of academic structure AND even REQUIRE MORE help around the house, the kids are happier, get along better, and seem to enjoy their resulting leisure more.

This balance of requirement and incentivizing seems to be working for us. I would note that "working" is NOT measured by kids getting into or excelling in college or life - my 16 yr old DID begin community college, and survived. The others are still too young to say for sure - though my daughter IS planning to do some public HS next year. So in my definition of working, we get along with each other, enjoy being together as a family, have more good days than bad, and it seems that while the kids do spend some time being "behind," that they mature into more motivation and better pacing and don't seem "behind" in anything that matters when they get to it....

If I can get those results, and get them consistently, I'll take them!

Confessions of a 12-year Homeschooling Veteran

Ours is not an "academically rigorous" approach....

We aren't ahead grade levels. We don't get "SO MUCH" done. I don't know if the kids will go to college. (Oldest at 17 is currently IN college - taking a few online courses in a slow plod to get his associates while he is busy doing other things more in line with his passions and life goals.) I don't know that we care about college - certainly not about WHICH college. (If the kids care, great. We'll support that.)

So I was talking with other moms whose kids went all through school, whose kids have this drive and ambition to get good grades, to then pursue hard careers, and I found myself wondering "What are WE going for? What is the benefit of OUR approach?"

And here is some of what I've concluded - and I will probably draw other conclusions years later when we continue to see what worked and what didn't:

Where others might use words like "advanced," or "accelerated," to describe their school/homeschool desired outcomes, my words are actually, "slow," "intentional," "present," "creative," "imaginative." I won't argue that these words are BETTER. They are just different. That's an odd thought to mull over: I don't know that we homeschool because we think we can do it BETTER than the schools. We DO know we "do it" differently.

And when I consider my personality and my husband's, I also note that this may be the only way that actually WORKS (or that DOES work "best") for who we-the-parents are. We both are type A, driven souls who WANT the accolades, who WANT to be the best. AND we resent authority. AND we resent doing things for no obvious reason when they don't seem to be in the best interest of ourselves or our family. I asked him last night what he thought our family might be like if we'd never homeschooled. We both agreed we'd feel a lot more dissatisfaction with our children because most of them don't have the competitive nature we do. In other words, we'd want them to get A's, and we'd be bothered if they didn't care about grades. And because we would not be able to identify why an 8 year old needs A's to be successful in life, we'd be conflicted inside with the expectation our kids excel in the system, probably leading to more dissatisfaction with everything related to the system.

Checking out of "the system" may be the only way we could functionally support our kids being who they want to be, developing at a pace that works best for them.

I guess that is another word that pertains to our homeschool experience: "intuitive." Even more than my husband, I expect things that ARE right for my family to FEEL right. Homeschooling allows me to lean into this trait - to live a family life the way we do, without the structure and guarantees of the system, forging our own crazy path forward in some haphazard fashion for the adventure of it all, and for being true to our inner selves.

It's scary. And when I look at the security the system offers, and the sometimes-happy outcomes it produces, I do wonder "what if we are kidding ourselves? What if we are doing it WRONG?" And then the persistent, deeper, slower, intuitive me asks, "how can you do anything in life with any peace if you can't trust this?" and I just surrender to knowing that our "different way" might be the only way that works for us.

Concepts to Internalize When Creating Doable Expectations for Your Corona Schooling

The whole world is homeschooling right now!

And those of us who have been at this for years know it's not really what homeschooling looks like! But I wanted to share my empathy with those who are burning out, whether it's the kids OR the parents! Most homeschool pros will confess there are days they want to tear their hair out. ON those days, we think "I just need to send my kid back to school! I can't do this."

Since NONE of us have that option right now, here are my tips to survive and rework the schools' and your own expectations, hopefully reducing stress, burnout, and hair-loss. ;)

1) Duplicating school at home is hard and leads to burnout for students and parents. (This is absolutely true, even for die-hard homeschoolers.)

2) Break subjects down into proficiency subjects (those whose concepts build incrementally, like reading, math, foreign languages) and content subjects (those which do NOT depend on mastering one concept before going on to the next, like Literature, Geography, History).

3) For ALL subjects, identify what is important for your child to learn - do they need to stay on pace with peers? if they learn something later (or not at all) will it be developmentally harmful? They may need to practice a proficiency subject daily. They may get away with doing a longer stretch on one content subject/day. Set an idea of how much time your child can take and you can support for school work. Prioritize using this time, beginning with completing work for the proficiency subjects, and with time left over, working on content subjects.

4) Determine (or have your older child decide) a "material covered" and/or "time spent" standard for each subject/day. If your child is on pace with the school's proficiency standard for a given subject, consider allowing her to spend less time on that subject, or not doing ALL the assignments for it. For those subjects needing YOUR full participation and support, schedule time for that subject with AND FOR your child. Let him work on self-managed subjects at times he may chose.

5) Look for alternative resources to teach AND ENGAGE your child in both the proficiency and content subjects. Youtube videos, podcasts, documentaries, a phone call with grandma, a fun book from the library all may be excellent DIFFERENT ways to learn and/or cover the same subjects as the school-provided curriculum. Your child's learning is more important than the completed assignment. Be willing to get an F as a parent by NOT turning in assignments/covering the school's exact material in order to give your child an A in life by helping him or her really succeed at LEARNING.

6) If you find FUN ways to cover content, it can be what your family does together or how the child has fun/spends screen time. If all the kids learn the same history facts by watching the same documentary, will they suffer academically for it? No.

7) Balance what is important for your child to learn with what is needful for your family. (For example, history facts may wait while your child gains a skill that allows her to make money to supplement lost income that otherwise would have gone towards lessons, summer fun, new toys, etc.) AND your child might have something that he is passionate about; gaining THAT knowledge or skill may serve him just as much or more than covering the school-supplied content!

8) Remember, the most important thing you may be teaching is adaptability and resiliency! These are VITAL life skills, so take a deep breath and give yourself some credit!

My video on Five Tips for Homeschooling during the Corona Virus Outbreak

Hope you can view and share by posting here:
https://www.facebook.com/100009505930952/videos/2683805048613000/?id=100009505930952

#CoronaHomeschooling #ViralHomeschool #CovidHomeschooling

Woman's Work

"Men just don't understand." It's the sentiment echoed by so many women of their labors as mother and keeper of the home. I'm sure I've said it a dozen times myself when recounting to my gal pals conversations I've had with my husband where he assumes I have oodles of free time, or he speaks of me getting a paying job, or I've expressed exhaustion at the busyness that is my life.

But if I'm being completely honest, I realized recently I don't understand. What do I do all day? Why do I feel like I'm always busy? Busy with what? And why is there so little to show for it? No paycheck, certainly, but no visible, measurable proof that I labored at all? And if there is none of that, why do I like what I do and NOT want to trade jobs with women in "the work place"?

So I decided it was high time I do the math. My math. Not trying to represent by my figures the labors of any other mother. And as I both qualified and quantified one woman's work (namely myself), I made some important discoveries that I feel are worth noting. So here is the breakdown by task, how I defined the task, and in parenthesis the time I spent on the task.

Cooking (1 hr 20 min/day) is all the food prep, and also includes menu planning, grocery putting-away, list making, fielding questions about what is for dinner, and putting up with all the complaining when your people don't like the answer. It includes re-working a life-style when someone says they don't think we should eat cereal. Or bread. (Good-bye easy breakfasts and lunches.) Yes, I make breakfast, lunch, and dinner - not every day, but on any given day I AM preparing two out of 3 meals. (And we could count the number of times we eat cereal and have sandwiches in a month on one hand.) The kicker is I don't especially like to cook. But I do love my health-nut husband. I love that we are intentional about what we eat. And I love growing the bodies of my children with nutritious food. So I do what it takes.

Cleaning (1.5 hrs/day). I have myself down for 1.5 hours, which seemed high until I observed my house last time I was incapacitated. A TOTAL disaster. Because no one was carrying things upstairs to put away when they went up, carrying things down when they went down, returning shoes and jackets to their spots so there isn't a panic when they are needed, trashing all the papers everyone came home from church with, gathering all the dishes from the upstairs when her water glass needed refilled, putting the throw cushions back on the couch instead of letting people trip over them, etc. etc. etc. I might only spend 5 minutes straightening an area at a time. But I do that about 5 times a day. AND I spend about 3 hours in deeper clean/week. Do I have kids? YES! And trust me, they help. If they didn't, I might be able to get it done in LESS time. But the goal isn't just an orderly home, but well-trained kids, right?

Laundry (15 min/day) is washing, sorting, folding, putting away, rotating, matching, spotting, mending, and mentally noting what is needed by whom.

Shopping (25 min/day) is never ACTUALLY done in 25 minutes. I average about 1.5 trips to the grocery store/week, if I've made good lists. But clothes shopping usually takes longer, especially if I'm trying not to spend a fortune. And there are all sorts of things I buy or search for online - small appliances, curriculum, supplements, gifts - that take a bit of research, and that is all time spent shopping.

Academic Support (1.5 hr/day) in my home is the time I spend teaching my kids - reading to them, hearing them read, correcting their errors, practicing Chinese, etc.. My guess is that if you DON'T homeschool, you may think this figure surprisingly small, because it is probably what you are spending on homework, parent/teacher conferences, mentoring your child through a big project, etc, when you DO send your kids to school. We just get more say over what we learn, and less institutional expectation, by learning at home.

Talent/Interest/Opportunity Support (30 min/day) is the time I spend taking kids to and from lessons, but also finding out about, registering for, communicating with providers about, researching activities and fitting them into our lives. It's time at dance recitals, concerts, and swim meets. It's time spent to ensure my kids are well-rounded, whole, thriving.

Making time for a Corn Maze... because it's TRADITION!

Calendar and Schedule Management (15 min/day) is the text reminders to kids about schedules, the morning run-downs of the plan for the day - all the communication that ensures everyone is where they need to be when they need to be there.

Finances (10 min/day). Honestly, this is the one that is more of a goal. This is keeping up with what lessons need to be paid for, tracking expenses, transferring money when my kids earn it, communicating with my husband about what was spent and why. Currently, I'm probably at 2-3 minutes/day. And consequently, we are probably not making the most informed financial decisions. I need to do better here.

From a distance, it looks pretty good!

Yard and Repair Maintenance (15 min/day) has a goal of 1 hour/day. That is WITH the kids help. And much to their relief, it only happens on average about 2.5 times per week. This number does NOT include their labor, nor does it include the time hubby spends mowing the lawn. But it ALSO includes babysitting the dryer repair guy for 1.5 hours, listening to the exterminator give us his pitch, meeting the tree doctor to make sure this time the trees are properly supported, and calling about the water filter acting funky. These sorts of things don't even arise on a monthly basis, but when they do arise, each one represents a few hours of need.

Squeezing in a family dinner while my oldest
is in town.

Life Enrichment (15 min/day) is making all the warm-fuzzy memories of childhood happen. It's planning and pulling off birthday parties, Christmas, Easter, Halloween. Even play-dates. It's making sure life is to be enjoyed and not just endured.

Community Connection, (30 min/day) for us, is largely church. But is also service at This Is the Place, or attending the Community Meal, or taking treats to the neighbors, or picking up trash at the park. It is the time I make sure we spend to strengthen our place in the community, and make sure we are relating to it.

Emotional and Spiritual Counseling (30 min/day) is family prayer, it's breaking up fights, it's a long phone call with my son across the country to hear all the nitty-gritty about his day. It is studying the scriptures, and meditating, and listening. And breaking up more fights. (Lest you be impressed, if my kids would just stop fighting with each other, it would save me a good 10-15 minutes per day!)

And Nursing (10 min/day) is taking care of the physical bodies of my family - hair cuts, rubbing feet, rubbing backs, making sure the little guy DID shower AND got all the dirt off, clipping toenails, and telling my girl to go back and clean behind her ears.

As it turns out, I DO have a full time job, as I always suspected. MY total was 7 hrs and 30 minutes/day. Obviously, I don't do ALL these things every day. So I took the total time spent per week (or per month) and then divided that number by 5. Yes, I know there are 7 days in a week, but most jobs (at least the ones we aspire to) are 40 hrs/Mon-Fri jobs. While being a mom IS around-the-clock work, no one can truly work all the time and maintain health and sanity for long. If we only expect everyone else to put in a good 40 hours, perhaps we should understand being on call ALL THE TIME does not mean a mom needs to be active and productive in that role ALL THE TIME.

This list, while one may be tempted to shrug it off as "just living life," only represents the tasks related to ensuring OTHERS live life, and live it more abundantly. It doesn't include time for eating or sleeping. Nor does it include time for SELF care - time used to have lunch with girl friends, or take a relaxing bath, or read a good book just because the mom finds it interesting. Sure, I get to eat the food I fix for my kids, as one example, but if I was cooking just for me, it would take a LOT LESS time and effort (as evidenced by my "Bran Flakes" cereal diet in high school). And if someone was going to cook FOR me, that labor would be THEIR job, for which he or she would be compensated. Same for party planning, or tutoring, etc. It is part of life. But it IS work.

And we might be tempted to dicker or bicker about what time is "worth it." For example, do I really need to spend 1.5 hours every day CLEANING? What a waste, right? As those throw pillows are just going to land on the floor AGAIN. We usually agree that at some point, the toilet needs to be cleaned, but do the insides of the cupboards need a wipe down on a semi-annual basis? Well, if you are asking me about YOUR house, I would say that's up to YOU. The times listed above are what those tasks take me to reach BOTH acceptability and satisfaction.

Which brings me to my next point. Acceptability and Satisfaction. Those are two important words. Here is a picture to illustrate:

I took this picture after arriving home one day, and my husband proudly announcing he and the kids had "cleaned the kitchen." This IS the AFTER picture. AFTER their cleaning.

Now, to be fair, I'm sure if there was a before shot, it probably consisted of more dirty dishes - probably a sink full to overflowing. Maybe more trash on the island. Maybe the trash which is not pictured got emptied. You can't see it from here, but the sink is full of larger, rinsed items, probably waiting for the dishwasher when it's current load, which they started, is done. So the kitchen is more clean. It may have been moved from unacceptable levels to more acceptable or tolerable ones. There was likely unfinished food on the island that was thrown away. And now, at least, the dirty dishes are rinsed, instead of hardening with old food.

If acceptable was the ONLY standard at play, this may meet it on some level. No rotting food. Yay. But this is not satisfactory, at least to ME. Not at all. So while the kitchen may be less gross, the efforts of my husband and children did not equal a job that needs no further attention. To experience the satisfaction of a job well done, clearly more work is needed. Because a clean kitchen looks more like this:

Well, probably not EXACTLY like this. The bar stools wouldn't be perfectly lined up. There would still be papers stuck to the fridge. But you get the idea...

Now, it's no use pretending that they are the same. AND there is no use pretending that we should all be OK with jobs that are merely acceptable. Sure, people often have to settle for acceptable to preserve sanity. But when we do, there is no true peace that comes from having a task completed to satisfaction. Things will feel "undone" - whether it's a kitchen that needs more work, or a crying child that needs more attention, or that nagging feeling that we need to be doing something more for someone we love. Leave enough things undone, or unsatisfactory, and guilt and unhappiness begin to build. And THAT tears through peace, focus, and contentment.

But what if you ARE satisfied with an acceptable kitchen? OR you have an insanely high standard for satisfaction when it comes to throwing an amazing birthday party for each child, EVERY YEAR? There is nothing wrong with that! No matter how we divvy it up, we all have the same amount of time, and each care-giver spends hers according to the needs of her children and her own values. (I, for example, do NOT value Birthday parties AT ALL. Much to the disappointment of my children. They'll get over it!)

However, while we all have the same amount of time, we are NOT wired to be in production mode for the same amount of time. To expect the output of all women to be equal would be like expecting the income of all professions to be equal. We marry school teachers and attorneys. The spouse of a school teacher isn't frustrated when the teaching salary isn't an attorney's income. Some women are wired to be power-house CEO's and when they unleash that energy in their own home and with their families, they wow us with multi-faceted accomplishment. If you are not the Steve Jobs of your home, neither are most of the rest of us. There isn't a wrong way to do any of this work. Just wrong-headed expectations that your approach and my approach will look the same. Every parent is different - different strengths, needs, and energies, parenting different children with their varying strengths, needs, and energies.

I should add too that this post has been awfully unfair to care- and support-giving dads. In many households much of this work is accomplished by both parents or more exclusively by a father. When both parents work (or even if one or both parents don't), kids may take on the responsibilities I've outlined below. My guess is that there is a restructuring that occurs - that the tasks are still being done by someone, taking more or less time, and that the time saved or not spent is used in some other way that serves the family. And there is nothing wrong with that. I think my point is that caring for a family TAKES TIME. However it is accomplished, whomever it is accomplished by, it is a task. A whole host of tasks. Big tasks.

We (my hubby and I) sometimes speak of a restructuring - of him doing more, of expecting more from the kids, and of me doing less in favor of doing something DIFFERENT (that makes heaps of money, ideally). And I'm not opposed to any of those ideas. But the truth is: I love my job. I love THIS job. I do it because I think it is important, and anything important is worth doing yourself. 

I can, and have, and do occasionally outsource all sorts of this work. I want my kids to grow by participating meaningfully in caring for our home and our family members. I like the perspective my hubby brings into emotionally supporting our kids. I don't want or intend to hog all of this to myself. (And frankly I need the additional support more often than not.) But back to satisfaction, caring for my family in these ways is deeply satisfying to MY soul. I feel in tune or in sync with my kids, with their needs, and I can adjust (mostly) seamlessly to do more or less of what is needed at the moment the need arises.

And the work DOES change. Nursing moms may have less time for academic support. Empty-nesting moms may have fewer kid-created messes to clean. That IS the beauty of this job too, and what makes it so hard to define. Not only is it different person to person and day to day, it also varies year to year, season to season. But it is ALWAYS holding the world together, making the world go round, BEING the world to someone you love dearly and needs you to do "it all," whatever that "all" happens to be. I'm so blessed this is MY work! I love it and never want to retire! Here's to 40 more years!

A Day at Public School: Our Report

A local charter school had a "Bring a Friend to School" day. My oldest daughter was invited and I thought it would be a great opportunity to find out, at 13 years old, what public school was all about. I then managed to find a buddy for my 7 year old who had been begging to go to school. I figured this was a much easier try-out than getting him registered just so he could go and change his mind. And then I realized my middle daughter, 10 years old, would feel left out, so I found a buddy for her too. Here is our report.

Everyone had fun. And especially grandparents wanted to know what the kids thought. My 13yo said she thought it seemed kids in school were learning answers compared to her library homeschool class which she said seemed to be more focused on learning how to THINK.

My VERY social 10yo said she liked "grammar" best because it was easiest. I'm not sure what that means because I don't teach "grammar." Felt behind in math (all the kids did) and how much she needed to write, and write quickly. Said lunch was way too fast. Was bugged by having to stand up when the teacher rang a bell, only to have to sit back down when she rang the bell again. Would only consider going back if she could go once a week. Dream on, dear!

My little guy DOES want to go back. He did have an easier go of it as they only allowed kids his age to stay for one hour. During which time we did 30 minutes of gym and 15 minutes of recess. I asked to stay an extra 15 minutes just so he could be there for something academic - he got to sit while the other kids took a math test. So I was surprised at his interest, but loved his reason he wants to return. When I pressed him he just said, "If I could catch up to what the other kids know, I think going to school would be an interesting challenge." It's the best reason I've ever heard.

I was NOT interested, and left NOT interested in having my kids in an institution. First, I will clarify that this school seemed well run, supportive of kids, and had a positive atmosphere. Furthermore, there are necessities in mass management I understand. I just don't want my kids to be mass managed. I witnessed a kid getting in trouble for going the bathroom probably 5 times while I was with my little guy in class. Clearly, he either has a bladder issue or is disengaged - neither problem being addressed by the aid threatening to not let him go next time. Didn't like that after 30 minutes of gym time, the kids had to the count of "3 banana split" to get a drink. What if they were more thirsty than that? So they lined up for drinks, to go inside, to go outside, to leave the bathroom, to go to gym, to leave gym. My 10yo said, "they spent a lot of time getting into lines." In fact, in the 30 min of the academic time I observed, the same academic learning and instruction could have taken about 5 min at home.

Oh! And gym time was following the teachers instructions: "Now jump rope! Now do slides! Now hop on one foot! Now do push ups! Now skip!" It was varied, but meaningless cardio. Not even instruction on HOW to do push-ups, or skip, etc to build a skill set, let alone allow the kids to play or come up with their own physical challenges. I was just there for one day, granted. But considering it seemed that all the other kids knew the drill, I don't think this day was out of the ordinary. I had to smile every time the kids were stopped by a whistle from doing one movement and moved on to the next at the confusion of my little guy whom I could tell didn't feel he'd had his fill of skipping yet, and then not enough jumping rope, and then not enough walking backwards, etc.

Finally, most interesting to me was math. This school prides itself on being one grade level ahead in math. But when it was time for the math test, the teacher went through the test on an overhead projector, question by question explaining the test. Which may seem like a wise thing, but when you are telling the kids what equation to execute to solve the story problem it really smacked of teaching to the test and seemed to echo my 13yo's observation that it was all about answers and less about thinking. I guess that is what parents expect: "Help the kids do well on tests." It may seem like a worthy goal, except it isn't very often in life that someone hands you a page of meaningless numbers and asks you to do sums.

So I think we are going back, at least me and my little guy, for another bring a friend day. Because I like that he likes interesting challenges. And now I'm curious how long he would find school to be an interesting challenge!